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On The Road To Laughlin
| Open Poetry #37 |
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On The Road To Laughlin |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
On The Road To Laughlin On the road from Las Vegas to Laughlin, I stopped to stretch and picked a yellow flower in thoughts of my sweetheart blessed. It smells so good, just like her, now I miss her even more for sure. As I placed it upon my dash, it seemed so cozy there. Within my heart how much I care. A few days later the flower had wilted away. Will I stop, will I pick a new one today? JamesLee May05 2006 |
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| © Copyright 2006 JamesMichael - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
nice start but I get the feeling it needs more, perhaps go on about the uniqueness the wilted flower possessed and the unique individual your sweetheart is. also minor concerns when I read it, in the first stanza: "It smells so good, just like her, now I miss her even more for sure." mainly the first line but it could be reworded to form a picture that is palpable. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
go ahead and stop  one can never have too many flowers |
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Bodger Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260Tolerance for a short time |
Odds are probably 50-50 Like the words Dave |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Thank you Jack and passing and Bodgers for the nice responses... This was written after my honey left me...she was supposed to go to my sons wedding with me, but it never happened...I was exploring my mixed feelings of sweet memories and the sadness of the loss...James |
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