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Open Poetry #37
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Dying Places
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Dying Places |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced 
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Dying Places As you travel through life the road of the going-on rocks, from pebbles to mountains gaps, from canyons to holes in the lawn across the way the next turn, jagged ridges rushing currents of rivers with washed-out bridges these are the places in life always there, disrupting the trip but with each comes a choice to get back up when you slip take a deep breath and live find ways around the dying places reach out to hold new hands with a heart fill empty spaces pick up those pebbles and throw them climb those mountains with your soul dying places are everywhere in life but remember, you have control we all have choices in life to stop at a place and die or live and breathe and choose a way to build some wings and fly ~ [This message has been edited by passing shadows (05-04-2006 02:33 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Dixie Lee Bullington - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bubblesleave Member
since 2006-03-04
Posts 197Bloomington, IN |
"take a deep breath and live find ways around the dying places" Very Good writing. |
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poettothecars Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093New Zealand |
If I comment on this poem, it may not all be Alligood, such is life and poetry The subject is fine, your ideas are good, then comes the but! these are the places in life always there, hindering your feet but with each comes a choice to strive against possible defeat I believe in trust, honour and respect, and some who read this are going to hate me as if you cannot serve to masters. The poem has in many cases a bad choice of rhyme, especially with the connection of two like words such as "feet" and "defeat" Some times it will work, in this poem I do not believe that is true. Only this reminds me of a friendship I made just over 12 months ago, and how she asked me to comment on her poems. By writes, such a connection could have stopped right there and never lasted the year it did. Even if this was across the world by way of the world wide web via New Jersey In truth I composed for her around 300 poems in 2005, which may be a record in that respect. And published a collection in her honour for her birthday I believe in being truthful, even when not to say anything can mean so much more a poet who cares [This message has been edited by poettothecars (05-04-2006 05:16 AM).] |
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winewind New Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 4 |
No matter what a large world we have when we are alive, what we need is only a small piece of lawn after we die. I like the style of this poet. I agreed with poettothecars that the rhyme could be better. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
thank you for the feedback I didn't feel comfortable with that verse either myself...so I changed it |
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stevebrklynnyc Member
since 2004-01-04
Posts 292GA, Camden |
Pebbles or stones, dying places are known, we all know the out come. Nice write dixy, glad your back on pip, your writes are from the heart, not held back because of past experiences, thanks, Steve  |
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poettothecars Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093New Zealand |
these are the places in life always there, disrupting the trip but with each comes a choice to get back up when you slip Now a slip is a petticoat of some sort (he he) these are the places in life always there, disrupting the flow but with each comes a choice to get back up and on with the show (or) these are the places in life always there, disrupting the flow but with each comes a choice to get back up and on with the go I thought 'go' initially, and ended up writing show then if I listen to the spirit within the version that feels right is the one that does "show" a poet who cares Dying Places by passing shadows As you travel through life the road of the going-on rocks, from pebbles to mountains gaps, from canyons to holes in the lawn Across the way the next turn, jagged ridges rushing currents of rivers with washed-out bridges these are the places in life always there, disrupting the flow but with each comes a choice to get back up and on with the show take a deep breath and live find ways around the dying places reach out to hold new hands with a heart fill empty spaces pick up those pebbles and throw them climb those mountains with your soul dying places are everywhere in life but remember, you have control we all have choices in life to stop at a place and die or live and breathe and choose a way to build some wings and fly a poet who cared to help out This to me reads so beautiful with a little poettothecared tweaking, the result is a stunning and beautiful poem a double wow for sure (wow wow and more wow) if I say so myself from my comments above to these now, I feel in my eyes, our collaboration, even so minor on my part has produced one of your best ever poems, Dixie, I have ever read and that all to be All-good, in my thoughts [This message has been edited by poettothecars (05-04-2006 09:19 AM).] |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
"live and breathe and choose a way to build some wings and fly" " We are the masters of our fate" old but true. I love reading you when you are at least trying to use those wings. You Are Loved. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
pick up those pebbles and throw them climb those mountains with your soul dying places are everywhere in life but remember, you have control we all have choices in life to stop at a place and die or live and breathe and choose a way to build some wings and fly Dixie, you've grown into a beacon of light along with your poetry...wonderful read!!! |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
Girl, you do FLY! Wisdom blooms like violets among the rocks, and new paths reveal themselves. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely poem! hugs, klassy |
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BROTHER JOHN Member
since 2006-04-06
Posts 386 |
Yes, passing shadows, only the "dying live!" Thank you for stating this so well. |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
"we all have choices in life to stop at a place and die or live and breathe and choose a way to build some wings and fly" Thought provoking and well written as usual, passing shadows. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
thanks to each of you your kind replies are most appreciated |
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Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665 |
Dont know how i managed to miss this one...this is a fine write here my friend...the original i mean..an original PS poem is something to be treasured... you wont get childish remarks from me...or someone who loves themselves so much that if they were an icecream they would lick themselves...thank you for your words.. Goldenrose. ''As the deer pants for steams of water, so my soul pants for you O God'' |
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poettothecars Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093New Zealand |
If I could delete my above messages, perhaps I would consider it Only if honesty was the best policy and caring was sharing my input was in hope of helping out not in a way of perhaps rudeness or interference in another persons poetry I have a few poems of my own that are co-written by myself and at least another person. Perhaps if it is within the rules of this site I may share them some time, although they are of a joint copyright As for Goldenrose I contain myself from commenting on your remarks obviously directed to me, and perhaps you could reserve your comments unless you have read my poems posted in these threads. When I can inform you, the original poem is not the original in truth, because the section of verse I made my first comment about happens to have been changed "Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand." Romans 14: 4 KJV a poet who cares [This message has been edited by poettothecars (05-07-2006 04:09 AM).] |
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