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Open Poetry #37
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gypsyheartx
Member
since 2006-02-09
Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

0 posted 2006-04-16 01:23 AM


These threads of life
The ones we wither with our own ignorance
Hang blissfully
Until interrupted
Don’t hang yourself with the threads of life
Let them dangle;
Intertwine them with strands of hope;
Strands of dreams
Don’t be afraid to swing on your thread
For living isn’t be alive
Being alive is living
When your strand breaks
Blame not those who unravelled it
For it was you who twisted them too tight
Hanging blissfully
These threads;
Hanging not limp,
But Alive.

© Copyright 2006 Miranda - All Rights Reserved
poettothecars
Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093
New Zealand
1 posted 2006-04-16 01:29 AM



These threads of life
The ones we wither with our own ignorance
Hang blissfully
Until interrupted
Don’t hang yourself with the threads of life
Let them dangle;
Intertwine them with strands of hope;
Strands of dreams
Don’t be afraid to swing on your thread
For living isn’t be alive
Being alive is living
When your strand breaks
Blame not those who unravelled it
For it was you who twisted them too tight
Hanging blissfully
These threads;
Hanging not limp,
But Alive.

While your idea is great, mastering you idea into a poem is lumpy to read by way of the flow.

These bumps I have underlined act as speed bumps in reading your poem in my opinion.

These threads of life
The ones we wither with our own ignorance
Hang blissfully
Until interrupting
this flow within with the threads of life
Let them dangle;
Intertwined as strands of hope;
Each encased in living dreams
Do not be afraid in strength to swing upon you thread
For living was to be alive
like being alive was to live
When your strand breaks
Blame not those who unravelled it
For it was you who twisted them too tight
Hanging blissfully
These threads; hanging not limp,
But Alive.


a poet who cares

gypsyheartx
Member
since 2006-02-09
Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland
2 posted 2006-04-17 09:44 PM


Thank you very much for your suggestions I will definetly play around with it a little.
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