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Open Poetry #37
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2006-04-07 10:18 PM


We spoke indepth
of death
and lust
the fruitless quest
for answers of
questions
we have yet to form
and we cried
remembering
the broken oaths
of ever and a day,

and since

and since, and since--

what did you say?

there was nothing
left to wish
we sat silent
in the dark
exhaling
smoke
and uselessness
like commas
and superlatives
and exclamation marks.

© Copyright 2006 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
1 posted 2006-04-07 10:22 PM


Nice poetic thought-shot.


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2006-04-07 10:26 PM



In round, rough table sought
jest and gist of words
long brought
a flame of life, a flame
for-bear'd
where in mist, a silence
flared...


iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2006-04-07 10:42 PM


"we sat silent
in the dark
exhaling
smoke
and uselessness
like commas
and superlatives
and exclamation marks."

This brings to my mind some very strong visuals of my own.  Loved the title.  *hugs*.....jojo

playing.with.crayons
Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362
Neverland
4 posted 2006-04-07 11:03 PM


liked this much and much.
*hug*
xx

farewell the ash-tray girl

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
5 posted 2006-04-08 12:29 PM


Superbly done! But then, Serenity Blaze, have you ever written anything in any other way than superbly?  

Nostalgia, pain, truth, honesty and realisation painted with delicate brushstrokes into a cameo of perfection.  

Hoping that it was cathartic and wishing I could think of something of worth to say that would make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, because I hate that you are in so much pain.

- Owl

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
6 posted 2006-04-08 01:01 AM


Me too - I hate to see the hurt even if it is written well.
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
7 posted 2006-04-08 01:31 AM


"there was nothing
left to wish
we sat silent
in the dark
exhaling
smoke
and uselessness
like commas
and superlatives
and exclamation marks."

Yes, I know this situation only too well and the underlying sadness but you have written it out extremely well and sometimes that helps.  I hope it has for you.

Helen

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
8 posted 2006-04-08 02:18 AM


what did you say?

there was nothing
left to wish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doncha hate it!!!!
you always express yourself so nice, serenity~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2006-04-08 02:44 AM


serenity....I wrote of the same kind of thing once...here:
/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=88&topic=000347


Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
10 posted 2006-04-08 03:24 AM


,  exponentially !
Androgynous
Member
since 2006-04-08
Posts 71

11 posted 2006-04-08 01:29 PM


Intense, and silent longing, so sad, well done, you almost made me cry, but just nearly

Love

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!"

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