in the shadows
I have no thoughts tonight,
and they don’t ever keep me warm;
sometimes in weak moments,
steeped in the acrid drink of mortality,
I wonder what I meant to you.
I recall your smile,
the sensations of infinity
in all the little whiles we were joined,
rich honest laughter,
I know I made you laugh;
I hear no trace of that in you today.
In the ways I tried to teach you
I look in on you from time to time.
I’m no stalker,
I do it from a distance so great
as to be almost in another universe;
you see I have no interest in bending fate,
it is too late for me anyway;
my time here is coming to its end.
I simply wish you well,
a thought I could never tell you
even when you listened;
that kind of honesty always makes you run away
you have all the things you wanted,
all the merit badges and the trappings,
the craven markers of success,
yet there is a hollow sound
ringing in the echo that deafens
while bringing an awareness of emptiness.
How many zeros in a bank account
add up to something real?
who could tell
if they meet you today
at some chic soiree over drinks
while discussing meaningless nuances
overlaying momentary pseudo-art;
within its shell of status and display
your heart always is a merc on the open market
a soldier of fortune in the anarchy of social war,
maybe when I’ve left this life I’ll find a way
to break the spell
that seems yet to hold me in your thrall each day.
©2006 by icebox