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Open Poetry #37
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Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida

0 posted 2006-03-07 11:04 AM



This isn’t what it used to be
I can’t go on pretending that it still fulfills my need
I am going to get going, knowing my loss will hardly be felt
Except by me

This place no longer gives me validity

I try sifting through the debris in my mind
Cluttered with leftover thoughts
Of what it is I really need
Thoughts from all the yesterdays that got messed up beyond
The sacrificial bleed

It’ll only hurt for a little while
But it will take several life times
To understand and compile
The excuses and learned behavior
That feeds from one to another

The fanning of the flames
Leaves me choking on the self hatred
Making me wish I were anywhere
But here, gasping for unaware

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

© Copyright 2006 Susan Caldwell - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2006-03-07 12:07 PM


Oh, Susan. This aches. It appears that you are writing from a very unhappy place. However, your spunky spirit will surely spark the changes that need to be made to bring you the life that you deserve.

Hugs with love,
Linda

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2006-03-07 02:33 PM


Susan,
Never seen a situation where there wasn't one worse. Be happy

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2006-03-07 02:47 PM


"This place no longer gives me validity"



I don't think it was ever supposed to.

Validity.

It's a birthright lovie.

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
4 posted 2006-03-07 04:58 PM


...uh...I understand the sentiment, but...uh...are you going away?  Is it something I said?  You're coming back, right?


Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
5 posted 2006-03-08 01:41 PM


Thank you all.

and K?  Not validity in a general sense...we have things that make us feel good about ourselves....what I speak of in the writing is something that no longer gives me that feeling and for that I feel a huge loss.  So I choose to let it be.  A fork in the road I guess..



No, Icy, not going anywhere in the physical sense.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
6 posted 2006-03-08 08:30 PM


I love how you say it....

And so it those we live with
and should know who elude us
But we can still love them
we can love completely
without complete understanding

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
7 posted 2006-03-08 09:29 PM


Making me wish I were anywhere
But here, gasping for unaware


Oh yes.....Where you go, you will not be alone.  You'll have visitors I know, because I have been here.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

StevenS
Senior Member
since 2005-09-21
Posts 945
L. A. (Lower Alabama)
8 posted 2006-03-09 10:05 AM


Howdy Neighbor! :-) Soul searching is painful but rewarding. When we become satisfied with ourselves though our journey into spiritual growth ends. Somedays we can take a step somedays we must rest but we can never stop. I find it comforting to know there are others that might need my hand along the way and that they are willing to lend me theirs. You would be missed!
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
9 posted 2006-03-09 11:37 AM


Susan~
I like the idea of 'Vagabond Poetry'~

And ADORE our Seymour's response !!

Hang in lady ... a new shipment of satisfaction-ink will be readily available when you're ready to splash in it~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -   noles1@totcon.com

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
10 posted 2006-03-09 03:01 PM




Thank you everyone!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

icequeen
Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633
FL USA
11 posted 2006-03-09 07:47 PM


I've seen myself in your mirror. Hugs to you... for your writing is marvelous.

Caroline

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
12 posted 2006-03-10 12:51 PM




"I am going to get going, knowing my loss will hardly be felt
Except by me"

Sad and lonely lines, skillfully written.
Great poem.


Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
13 posted 2006-03-10 03:27 AM


The entire poem I felt... but this,

"This isn’t what it used to be
I can’t go on pretending that it still fulfills my need
I am going to get going, knowing my loss will hardly be felt
Except by me"

*sigh* wow

playing.with.crayons
Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362
Neverland
14 posted 2006-03-10 04:32 AM


Thoughts from all the yesterdays that got messed up beyond
The sacrificial bleed


oh dear... a wonderful write
xx

farewell the ash-tray girl

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
15 posted 2006-03-10 07:49 AM


You guys shame me for not reading/responding more (it's midterm week).

I promise to hop to it as soon as I take this test!

thank you!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
16 posted 2006-03-10 07:14 PM


good read
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