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Open Poetry #37
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icequeen
Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633
FL USA

0 posted 2006-03-02 08:02 PM



I’ve seen your spies, their heads bent in cars
watching me unload the groceries
in ninety degree heat without offering to help…
How much more they could tell you
if only they would carry in the
twelve-packs of diet soda
and the heavy melons that are in season now
They could report back to you
that my evening meal is sometimes
no more than champagne and a chocolate kiss

You would know by now that I no longer have that dog
that growled at you until you fed him your lasagna
The papers might say that I keep a teddy bear
on a small table in my bedroom, irises on the dresser
and that all the skeletons are safely locked away
in the linen closet, hidden under the quilts

Your dossier wouldn’t be complete without telling
that there is only one bathrobe hung on the door
but there are five pillows on the bed, along with
a dark fur throw which I toss seductively over the top
of a cream-colored scalloped edge chenille bedspread
and perfumed candles are lit for strategic ambience

There are no photographs of you here anymore
No love letters or poems you once wrote to me,
the little gifts you sent are ashes in the wind…
All the things your spies can never know
If you had just asked I’d have gladly told
There is no trace of you here because you wished it so
And I always gave you everything you ever wanted


[This message has been edited by icequeen (03-03-2006 09:20 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Caroline Rush Markham - All Rights Reserved
MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74
california
1 posted 2006-03-02 09:25 PM


I LOVED THIS SO MUCH!

ONE TINY CRITIQUE FOR UNDERSTANDABILITY. I WOULD CHANGE THIS:
How much more they could tell you if only
they would carry in the twelve-packs of diet soda
TO THIS:
How much more they could tell you (BREAK)
if only they would carry in the twelve-packs of diet soda

AMAZING WRITE.  VERY WELL WRITTEN MY FRIEND!

LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER
MUSEconnieHUES

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2006-03-02 09:33 PM


Caroline?  

I thought you were me for a moment....

except I don't own a teddy bear.

Kudos, girl....

and Connie's critique was good...
it just helps with the flow.

You GO!

Oh, he went.     Now you don't have to.

But, you COULD do it again!


Kathy
Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 153

3 posted 2006-03-02 10:17 PM


Bravo!

Kathy

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2006-03-03 12:29 PM


Great write!
latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
5 posted 2006-03-03 04:59 AM


Enjoyed this one. Good work. martyjo
aujussy wolf
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215
Michigan
6 posted 2006-03-03 12:08 PM


AWESOME POEM well written !!!

In his mantle gray he walked one day across a shining floor and with crystal key in secrecy he opened an ivory door -J.R.R. Tolkien(T.Bombadil-the adv

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
7 posted 2006-03-03 03:30 PM


Caroline~
Sweet lady ... this has a poignancy that begs to be read thrice ... so I did~

It is so good to see you penning~

Drop me a note at my email address below~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -   noles1@totcon.com

icequeen
Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633
FL USA
8 posted 2006-03-03 09:35 PM


Connie you are so right there... thank you! I did a copy/paste out of my word processor and somehow that all ended up jumbled. The way you wrote it is how it was originally supposed to be! Thanks for reading

Ms. Shine ~~ thanks for stopping by! You should get a teddy bear ~~ they are wonderful company and never criticize or talk back LoL

Kathy/Iliana/Martyjo/Wolfie - THANKS! I'm so appreciative of your visits here

Marge ~~ Hi Girlfriend!! awww.... you spent that much time on my drivel? I'm flattered hon! I'll email soon~~  Huggles!


He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.
- Persian Proverb

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
9 posted 2006-03-05 12:11 PM




"You would know by now that I no longer have that dog
that growled at you until you fed him your lasagna"

A poignant, lovely work. So well done.


BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
10 posted 2006-03-05 02:06 AM


Your dossier wouldn’t be complete without telling
that there is only one bathrobe hung on the door
but there are five pillows on the bed,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm lovin' those lines.  
Nice writing Caroline, every word of it~



suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
11 posted 2006-03-06 03:11 PM


There is no trace of you here because you wished it so
And I always gave you everything you ever wanted

Choosing a favorite passage is downright difficult when I love every bit of it! *S* But... the ending is just perfect... the poignant keeping of a promise no one should have to make. *S*

And yes... a big cheer for teddie bears. *S*

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
12 posted 2006-03-07 11:20 PM


Nice...the way we are treated by someone tells us everything we need to know...James
jody5
Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876
California, U.S.A.
13 posted 2006-03-07 11:25 PM


What a great write.  It is so absolutely true and done with such passion.  I give you a standing ovation for quality and

huggs  Kim


XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403
Virginia
14 posted 2006-03-08 03:32 AM


The first time I read this, I wanted to tell you how excellent I thought it was.  But, I didn't.  Nor did I on the 2nd and 3rd reading.
Now, I find myself here for the fourth time.
I thought it then...I say it now...
Excellent !!!!

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
15 posted 2006-03-08 08:54 AM


Poignantly painted in the colours of reality.  I ache for your pain, but applaud your courage to know what is best for you.

SUNSHINE!  Every animal lover should have a teddy bear!  Mine is only a tiny one because the one that my son eventually got me, after much hinting with a capital H, was stolen - but at least I have a tiny one.  If I lived in America, I would rectify your sad situation (smiles and much concern).  WILL SOMEBODY IN AMERICA PLEASE GET SUNSHINE A TEDDY BEAR?

- Owl

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
16 posted 2006-03-09 08:10 PM


Very poignant indeed!  The last few lines really intensified it, although it was very compelling to read beforehand.  My, oh my!  Powerful writing!  Loved it!

misce

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
17 posted 2006-03-10 08:04 AM


bathrobe?  so that is what those hooks are for...no wonder folks think I am strange for hanging a spare six pack of bud on em..
enjoyed it ms..kewl stuff

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