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Open Poetry #37
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FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477


0 posted 2006-02-26 04:37 AM


I trace my way back to your place,
tanah merah to esplanade.

I trace my way to your place,
I heard the system says,
"Wendege wendege wendege".

I trace my way to your place,
I saw the spot at the gate,
where you paced...

I trace my way to your place,
I kept seeing your smiling face.

I trace my way to your place,
Along the way,
I picked you up,
bottled in my heart's space.

I trace my way to your place,
All the memories left me in daze.

I trace my way to your place,
I track the road like a maze.

I trace my way to your place,
This is just a passing phase.

I trace my way to your place,
'cause there's no route to your heart,
in any other way.


[This message has been edited by FNG (02-27-2006 04:33 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 Danielle Tan - All Rights Reserved
Neeraja
Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812
The Netherlands
1 posted 2006-02-26 06:52 AM


Smile... nice poem!

Neeraja

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2006-02-26 03:59 PM



FNG...

You have asked for gentle critique,
so all would ask is that you
adhere to some simple spelling rules,
cos nothing is more abrupt
than reading a good poem
only to come across a bump
in one's imagination.



Otherwise, I enjoyed your tracings...
and will have to polish off one of my
old traces...



FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

3 posted 2006-02-26 09:04 PM


Hi thanks Sunshine

Actually the language i spelled in there is Tamil (spoken by one of my races here).

So the spelling rules you refered to means sticking to standard English?

Thank you for your comments


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2006-02-26 10:16 PM


Ah, now, see?  I learn something new every day.  Thank you for enlightening me.  It wasn't the foreign words I was referring to, just the "cos" word that I figured was just a slang spelling for because or 'cause or cause.

I appreciate your understanding.




FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

5 posted 2006-02-27 01:49 AM


okay

Now i got it. Thanks

Appreciate your feedback

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
6 posted 2006-02-28 04:48 PM



Greatly enjoyed FNG.

FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

7 posted 2006-03-01 04:25 AM


Thank you Lady,


Air Goddess
Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 108
Canada
8 posted 2006-03-01 10:25 PM


I love it!
FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

9 posted 2006-03-02 12:17 PM


Thanks for reading, Air Goddess and glad you like it.
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