It's The Weekends That Are For Crying

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OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

0 posted 2006-02-17 03:20 PM

Posting this in fear and trepidation. Please go extra gently with me with this one.

IT’S THE WEEKENDS THAT ARE FOR CRYING
4 May 2002

I sat with you, my beloved horse,
when you breathed your last
when others who loved you
did all the organising
and asked if it was all, all right with me
and I was sitting with you
when they found a perfect spot
for your final resting place
and you and I
we slept a moment
and talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

I was with you
when they loaded you
with love and pain
on to the horse box
and you and I
we talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

I lay next to you
all the way your brother drove us
to your final resting place
and you and I
we slept a moment
and talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

I lay next to you when they dug your grave
with care and precision
and you and I
we slept a moment
and talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

I was with you
when they put you
in your grave
and arranged your body
and I screamed
in agony and cried
from this side of
The Great Divide
and then I threw
into your grave
my two near-red flowers
and my blood-red heart
and my soul
and spirit
and tears
for you
beyond
The Great Divide.

And when they covered
you with Earth
I lost my mind
and screamed
for you
beyond
The Great Divide.

And people talked
and did things
and walked
and you and I
we talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

And that night
and every other since then
I held your blanket
in my arms
my face deep in it
breathing
your sweet horsy self
and slept deeply
reaching across
into
The Great Divide
and didn’t understand
why I had so few tears
this first week
without you
beyond
The Great Divide …

and then I woke this
first Saturday without you
and the tears fell out
in water buckets
and you and I
we talked and cried
from either side
The Great Divide.

And only then
did I understand that
God and you
on the other side of
The Great Divide,
were holding me up
and giving me strength
because you both knew
I couldn’t do it alone
and you both helped me through
this first week back teaching
at a school I didn’t know.

And the other thing I learnt today
from God and you
on the other side of
The Great Divide
is that
it is the weekends that are for me to be myself with you
and it is the weekends that are for crying
when you and I
can talk and cry
from either side
The Great Divide.

My darling, darling, darling horse,
I’ll do my best
to live my life
to be worthy
of joining you again
on your side of
The Great Divide.

But for now
God and you
and your blanket in my arms at night
will walk me through
what happens around me
and I’ll hold my breath
until the weekends
when you and I
can sleep a moment
and talk and cry
from either side
The Great Divide
for it’s the weekends that are for crying.

- Owl

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2006-02-17 03:31 PM

I have never had a horse, but I have a friend who lost one, as much beloved as this aching poem describes. I thought about it a great deal, and I, being a "dawg" lady, understand now, that horses can't be rightly called "pets".

There is a special bond there, and it can be achieved with other animals, but not very often. (I have had many many pets, but even as I love the ones I have now--I must concede there was only one that fit that "special bond" description.) So I do know that the loss of that bond is a very private mourning, not easily shared and very seldom understood.

*hearthugs* Owl

I hope you are never afraid nor embarrassed to share your gentle heart with us.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2006-02-17 05:36 PM

Diana

I understand from my own side of the great devide, and my heart is touched by your great love of this special being.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

3 posted 2006-02-17 05:53 PM

I too am touched by the connection you had with your noble horse and the grief you feel at losing him (her). Love, Joyce

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2006-02-17 08:08 PM

Your poem can fit many situations....

it was easily felt~~

M

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2006-02-17 11:13 PM

My dear poet....

for a woman who had a horse own her...

from a woman who has always wanted a horse
to own her, but has only been owned

by parakeets,
cats,
dogs,
fish,
cows, bulls, and calves...
then
strays,
and others...

this touched me deeply.  In my own recent losses of the human sort...I appreciated very much the Great Divide line that keep pushing up and out of your poetry.

Diana, I want to thank you for this poem, this coming weekend, when loss is fresh and current and strong...

because I think, as I place this in my library, safely, I will revisit it more than a few times.

Thank you for your sharing of this love....
and for the honesty of your pain.

And thank God for weekends.

" It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

6 posted 2006-02-18 12:49 PM

Thank you Serenity Blaze, Martie, Joyce, nakdthoughts and Sunshine for your beautiful responses.

Thank you Serenity for understanding about that very special bond.  As you so rightly say, not many people do.  I knew this was a safe place to post this poem, and right from the time I started here, I wanted to post some of my Flicka poetry here, notably this one, and I knew the response would be kind and gentle, but this one was the most difficult to post (there is only one other forum - a very small one) where I felt almost as safe to post this particular one.  The fear and trepidation is that I find any criticism of my horse or our bond as a slight on my horse and that hurrrrrts.  Thank you for the hearthugs.  I am sharing them with Flicka as he loved/loves hugs.

Thank you Martie.  I will never forget your poem about your little birdie, so I know you understand.  I am sure that Flicka and your little bird are the best of friends in Heaven.  Flicka adored all creatures, and although he didn't get to meet any little birds (except a duck, but that is a big birdie) at close quarters on Earth (only horses, people, dogs, cats, a duck and a snake - that I can remember off the top of my head) he adored everyone he met.

Thank you very much Joyce.  He was a very, very special horse and touched everyone who met him.  People who hated / were afraid of / were indifferent to horses were all drawn to loving him without fear.

Thank you nakdthoughts.  I appreciate your kindness.

Thank you Sunshine for your understanding and most especially for honouring Flicka by feeling his healing touch, albeit indirectly through a poem.  The greatest comfort that I could offer you, if Flicka was alive and you were here, would be for you to meet him - and I know you understand.  A child of about 12 years old, a long time ago, referred to the aura he had which drew people to him.  He was always my comfort in times of pain.  He always understood and drew in the pain and dissipated the unbearable part of it and I know you understand that too.  When I left him every evening, I could feel the warmth and horsiness of his wonderful neck, long after I had hugged him goodbye.  He still is my joy and comfort.  The poetry that I have written him before his death is in an unpublished collection called His Living Years and those I have written after his death is in an unpublished collection called Conversations Beyond the Grave.

I feel the closest to him when I visit his grave every week and I have a rock I took from home on which I sit and communicate with him.  I have planted a plane tree which is quite big now (nearly 4 years old) and a heart-shaped flowerbed and I tend them and the grass around them.  I also have a little garden sign saying Flicka's Garden of Tranquility and another saying Flicka's Thinking Stone.  If I didn't get there every week to regain my sanity, tranquility and composure, I would be locked away in a curly jacket because a strait-jacket wouldn't be enough to cope with my stresses of daily living.

- Owl

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

7 posted 2006-02-18 01:36 AM

OwlSA, I felt the same way about a dog I had when I was young. *crying with you*....jo

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2006-02-18 08:39 AM

"The poetry that I have written him before his death is in an unpublished collection called His Living Years and those I have written after his death is in an unpublished collection called Conversations Beyond the Grave."

Maybe it is time that the world might know of Flicka's aura through your writing? Contact me if you wish.

And as for rocks, I was recently gifted a rock with the word Serenity etched across it. I keep it on my desk as a daily reminder of many things...

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

9 posted 2006-02-18 05:13 PM

Ahhh Diana... I have felt your enormous love and the great heart of your beautiful Flicka. Thank you for sharing him with us.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

10 posted 2006-02-18 08:38 PM

They really are more than just animals.  So
easily they become a part of us and when we
lose them,  we have lost a part of ourselves.

And yes,  weekends seem to be the time when
we have those moments to let lose and mourn.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

11 posted 2006-02-18 11:44 PM

and your blanket in my arms at night
will walk me through
what happens around me
and I’ll hold my breath
until the weekends
when you and I
can sleep a moment
and talk and cry
from either side
The Great Divide
good..good one...I like this.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

12 posted 2006-02-19 04:05 PM

Thank you iliana for understanding, for your tears and for your compassion.  Hugs for your doggy in Heaven.

Thank you Sunshine.  To a degree, the world does know about Flicka through this forum and another little one and through the people I meet, and very much through the people who met him.  Perhaps you mean publishing.  I can't do that with any of my poetry, but especially not my poetry about Flicka, as it is too personal.  However, thanks for thinking of it.  I will certainly email you anyway.  I love any chance to talk about Flicka, and talking to you too, of course, is always a pleasure.  How lovely to have a rock with Serenity etched on it on your desk!

Kate, thank you for your kind words about me, but oh so very especially your kind words about Flicka.

Thank you Magnus for your kind and compassionate understanding.  I don't know what I would do in a world without animals.  They understand us so well and are so much easier to understand than humans, but then there are humans like you Pipsters, thank goodness.

Thank you Kaoru for coming into my Flicka world and meeting his gentleness with your own.

- Owl

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