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poetry_queen
Member

since 2006-02-02

Posts 94
england,

0 posted 2006-02-15 07:22 PM

when i look around me
all i see is pain.
i long to hear your loving voice
calling out my name.
telling me you want me,
that you'll always need me here.
but all i hear is echoing
everytime i shed a tear,
they trickle to the ground
and puddle all around me.
but i cant seem to stop
and now i cannot see.
my eyes are blurred from crying
for hours in the dark.
when did all this bad happen?
when did it all start?
i long to hold you once more
to tell you how i feel.
but i know that you'll reject me
the pain for you isn't real.
so as i sit here crying all alone,
with darkness all around me.
i think of you as i used to,
knowing we will never be.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2006-02-15 08:02 PM

Leanne, I feel the ache in your words. Poignantly expressed, nicely done.

seek the flame within yourself
and let your soul be cleansed by
the fire of love. Axel Ekenstierna

ShelbyLynn13
Member

since 2006-02-15

Posts 73
US, Colorodo

2 posted 2006-02-15 08:08 PM

wow yoou are a realy great writer!!!

every one is special in their own way!!!

ShelbyLynn13
Member

since 2006-02-15

Posts 73
US, Colorodo

3 posted 2006-02-15 08:10 PM

wow yoou are a realy great writer!!!

every one is special in their own way!!!

starinthedark
Junior Member

since 2006-02-13

Posts 32

4 posted 2006-02-16 11:02 AM

I can relate...very nice poem. Hugs starinthedark

Air Goddess
Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 108
Canada

5 posted 2006-02-16 02:17 PM

Some are like that...you
just know it will never be...
This poem flows as freely as
joyful tears, however....Great work!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

6 posted 2006-02-16 02:59 PM

The emotion in this poem is very well expressed, I commend you for that and offer my condolences. I understand your pain.

However, I might suggest putting breaks in the poem. As it is right now, it kind of blends together. Is that what you were going for?

Also, occasionally flow stumbles. It has a flow from line to line, and every now and then, it continues from one line to the start of the next, without stopping.

Good luck.

~Titus

Goldenrose
Member Elite

since 2003-05-30

Posts 3665

7 posted 2006-02-16 03:15 PM

This is sad but well written..thank you..

Goldenrose

Desire for nothing except desirelessness,hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes, want nothing and you will have everything.avatar Meher Baba.

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