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Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

0 posted 2006-01-27 02:06 PM

This is the first I have ever written. I was sorting through all my old poetry and found this. I thought I had lost it. I wrote it when I was seven. The poem is pretty dark but so was childhood, lol.

My Raspberry Dream

I saw my fate in a raspberry dream,
I was in a garden of weeds,
I know that nothing is what it seems,
I was the gardener planting the seeds,
The seeds of lost lives,
Lost to the blade,
Buried under the knives,
And so their lives fade,

I saw my death in a raspberry dream,
I saw what no man knows,
They do not know what I mean,
For I saw a single rose,
On a mound of soil,
It was a tomb,
My life was rid of all toil,
For I was lying in doom,

This garden of weeds is our final resting place,
It is where we will forever lie,
It is our permanent case,
This is where we go to die,
This garden is in my raspberry dream,
The dream full of weeds.

Momma says, "Life... is like a box full of chocolates, you never know when you're gonna get one with a nut in it".

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2006-01-27 02:22 PM

wow

a veritable prodigy, you were too, m'friend!

I didn't find it dark at all though, death as a raspberry dream has a connotation that I love muchly. Like sticking yer tongue out at bogeyman!

Yay YOU!

(and some call 'em weeds, but I like wildflowers

)

Much enjoyed this.

RedStoneEB
Senior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 772
uk

2 posted 2006-01-27 05:21 PM

You wrote pretty good for a seven year old its amazing

Katerie
Member

since 2006-01-27

Posts 92
Central New York

3 posted 2006-01-27 05:30 PM

Hell... some aren't that good at fifteen- I know I'm not. Amazing.

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

4 posted 2006-01-27 05:39 PM

Thanks serenity, Redstone and Katerie (Oh and welcome to PiP talk by the way). I had a lot of issues and poetry really helped me out. That's why I was pretty happy to find my first. The only thing I did to it was cut the very last line. It originally went like this:

"This garden is in my raspberry dream,
The dream full of weeds,
And monstrous deeds".

I felt it ended better with "And monstrous deeds". Thanks again everybody, you're all making me blush, lol. Cheers - Ed

Momma says, "Life... is like a box full of chocolates, you never know when you're gonna get one with a nut in it".

jody5
Senior Member

since 2005-12-21

Posts 876
California, U.S.A.

5 posted 2006-01-27 06:00 PM

You are very gifted.

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