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Open Poetry #37
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LifeSinger
Junior Member
since 2006-01-15
Posts 25
Kentucky, USA

0 posted 2006-01-21 10:35 AM



Isolated in my own prison cloud,
I have poured down all my sorrows.
I’m staring out into the great sun shining.
Waiting for tomorrow.
Every next day brings to me,
A chance to come back down,
But I tell myself I’m just not ready,
To again dawn that ballroom gown.
The night is coming and in my ear,
I hear a voice that’s saying,
This is your eviction notice,
I can see you are weary of staying.

When morning breaks I sink down from my cloud,
I open my closet door,
Pull out the last dress I wore for you,
And dance straight to the ballroom floor.


Any critisism you have is welcome, i can always improve!

© Copyright 2006 Haley Edwards - All Rights Reserved
ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
1 posted 2006-01-21 09:35 PM


Some of this flows pretty well as a story, get the idea that there is more behind it than just getting the dress from the closet, the ballroom  and the eviction. Let that last line stay on your profile ...


garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
2 posted 2006-01-21 09:52 PM


This is a beautiful poem. I like the way
the words seem to flow along in dance on
the page. Very pretty.
hugs,
Ethel

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