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Open Poetry #37
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Indian Valley Line ( Wanderlust Challenge )
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Indian Valley Line ( Wanderlust Challenge ) |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York 
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Ain't got no home, ya see? but da deserts' chill an she be bitin' dem bones moreso den b'fore Cain't sees so well been tinkin' 'bout Babe tain't good fer m'eyes makes da road blur'y but yeah, dat boy is mines an if ya sees'er tells'er I says hello I do loves' er, ya know? She dinnen' unnerstan' dat life is jus'a line I ain't got no choice but ta keepa followin' mines Dey say dere's a place Dey say you cain be free even if'n it be da deaf o'me Alls I gots is whats lefta dese shoes ta car'y me true right on down ta Indian Valley Line ~~~ Haywire Mac |
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| © Copyright 2006 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"Hallelujah I'm a Bum" grinning here, in absolute joy oh, the Mac you are just tooo much, you littlewinged angel "He went thataway."  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
I know, I'm nuts . . . its ok cuz you guys already know that anyhow. I just hope its readable. *laughing here* |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
nuts? naw I unnerstood ever word and felt it, too which is good |
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aujussy wolf
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215Michigan |
did you write this one little or did haywire lol, either way the life of a bum is not always that bad, lol  take it from me i have been there ... peace on down the trail littles ~Jamez" the only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams " - tupac shakur |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Wonderful job Sue! I can't imagine how hard it was to write it that way..  "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
well done, just like a song that needs to be put to music... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"She dinnen' unnerstan' dat life is jus'a line I ain't got no choice but ta keepa followin' mines Dey say dere's a place Dey say you cain be free even if'n it be da deaf o'me" Well Karen asked for voices and you have certainly given life to a distinct one. You oughta be proud of this one Sue, that's some fine dialectin' you got goin' on...  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I hope you understand what you have accomplished here. Using dialect and colloquialsims is extremely tricky to pull off without overwhelming the reader, and mainting cadence, and well lady, you now have a created another voice in your head. And just as with Duncan's poem--I want to know MORE...  Brava, littlewing! |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
Absolutely astonishing!!! Great Job |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smile--I just read my reply to you and I ain't gonna fix that mess--'cause you unnerstood me, I know you did.  I'll just leave it there to remind myself to not reply until after my second cup of coffee. (That's right, I can't seem to do anything unless I'm running on a raw nerve.)love you! *smooch* |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Fantastic! |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
*smiling here* Karen I completely understood,  but I have NO idea what I did . . . but I can't explain the inspiration for this until somebody else posts thiers. But the title was from your link K . . . I am SO happy you guys were able to understand this, was afraid it would be unreadable or offensive or something. I had fun doing this too, I learned a lot about Big Rock, and Harry McClintock while doing it. (his bio is interesting, he was in N.O. as a vagabond . . .) So once you see another post come your way, then you will understand where I got the inspiration for this one. Thank you everyone for reading and liking and thank you Karen for this challenge. I was unsure of how I was going to pull this off. Makes me so happy. Thanks guys. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Hey girl! Great write! I'm sure ol' Mac would "knot" mind the limelight though. And btw: I've held down alotta those jobs myself, LoL. thanks, Billy 8) "Only the dead, have seen the end of war." |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
I'm chuckling because you have NO idea how good this is! No, really...you have NO idea! LOL |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thanks Billy! (heh no knots in this one, I don't think?) Ed? It was because of you telling me about Willy that inspired this write. See? If you never told me he didn't speak much and was a lovely soul and his past, what you know of it, I never would have had his voice in my head - if he chose to speak, maybe he might have said some of these things, maybe. So this is yours, actually. You filled my head with him and I thank you for that. So Karen? This is what Willy might have said . . . if he chose to speak. Thanks guys . . . |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
you knit a good yarn, storyteller that you are...and a pied piper for the pipsters liked the foreign tongue here |
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