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Open Poetry #37
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Wanderlust
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Wanderlust |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida 
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I wondered, as I looked out into the dark, if there was any real difference between how fast things were passing by the window and the speed at which I found myself in end life. So many tracks had been laid in so many towns, cities, hearts. As I let out a long sigh, I wondered of the breath that fogged the window my head was resting against and how close to the last it would be. If my vagrant heart would find peace with stillness. If my demise would release him from languishing in this feeble mind. Lord knows no amount of running had shaken him from me. No amount of self-medication or the sweat of another had replaced the position he held in my thoughts, or in my dreams. As the rhythmic clanking rocked me to another time, I thought about a younger me, when things were higher, tighter and more deserving. Of his beauty and when I was worthy of touching such perfection. But I was too young and stupid to understand. His interest in me was more than what I had been used to. Stupidly, I played the same games with him as everyone before him pushing him away, losing myself in the process. Time teaches us all and mocks us for our mistakes. I knew this better than anyone. As I had no real life to speak of, time had taken everything because I had refused to learn. Refused to stop and feel the pain of every let down, every sorrow, and every tear. I had only run and each time I hopped aboard a train, with no real destination, I died a little more until there was nothing left but this feeble body of an old woman. Carrying too many “what ifs” and “could have beens” Wishing for the freedom of breathlessness. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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| © Copyright 2006 Susan Caldwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
good deal of sadness in this... and it speaks to regrets..which we all seem to have...in one way or another... well written Susan.. and touching... |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
This redefines wanderlust and I think hits the real truth of it, Susan.  ...jo |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
loved this one, and feel like sending a hug and look at who you brought out from the woods! |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
shredded me, this |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
oh lady, break me why doncha...this ached, but oh so beautifully. m xx how i would love you, love you as no one ever did! Die and still, love you more. And still love you more..and more |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Susan this is a stunning piece, even in the ache of words....you did well hon....hugssss you...  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Susan, you just wrote my soul, not even kidding, I have chills on my arms . . . But I was too young and stupid to understand. His interest in me was more than what I had been used to. Stupidly, I played the same games with him as everyone before him pushing him away, losing myself in the process. Damn . . . |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Steady as a boxcar, you are. Your writing has grown so much m'friend. You seem to have the ability to keep focused no matter what the obstacle the days may bring. Although the tone seems life-weary, I love the deeper introspection you have been layering into your work. I love you much. *fk* |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
 I really enjoyed doing this one...thank you Karen..you always seem to know how to gently push me in the right direction. *fk* love you. Thank you all for reading and responding, it really means a lot to me... "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"Lord knows no amount of running had shaken him from me. No amount of self-medication or the sweat of another had replaced the position he held in my thoughts, or in my dreams." There's the voice... You hum, I'll follow along. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Susan, I didn't see this as being sad, but thats just me...more so, I've felt the awareness in this, that quit frankly some people never attain...it is my belief, that each individual is on their own personal free choice journey, and it just takes some of us longer then others, is all, which is purposefull to our growth... Just ask me how long it's taken me...sheeeshh with still so so much to explore and learn  This was an incredible write and I loved it |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
A deep and introspective journey expressed to perfection. Sometimes there is sadness in awareness but awareness must lead to understanding and forgiveness of ourselves and our mistakes. It's an even longer journey to the forgetting of the "what if's" and I wonder - do we ever get there? Great write and touching in its truthfulness. Thanks. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Susan, I agree with all of the responses, particularly, Serenity Blaze, LeeJ and Honeybunch. It is a very moving poem, and such genuine and logical introspection can only lead to the point where you can look back clearly and see where the problems originated and turn forwards again with unclouded vision. To be able to say: "I had refused to learn. Refused to stop and feel the pain / of every let down, every sorrow, and every tear" can only mean that you are now ready to learn (it's neverrrrrrrrr too late!) and ready to feel the pain of the above so that you can grow. I enjoyed your poem. Thanks. - Owl |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
But I was too young and stupid to understand. His interest in me was more than what I had been used to. Stupidly, I played the same games with him as everyone before him pushing him away, losing myself in the process. Susan, the above part reminds me so much of a time in my own life. You wrote of it perfectly. Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem with us that you have written. Hugs, Ethel |
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Anne Shiever Junior Member
since 2006-01-10
Posts 21KS/USA |
A very moving piece Susan. I enjoyed it, and thanks for sharing it with us. Anne Shiever |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Susan, I know of this feeling, strongly, very strongly...I have stared in my own mirror of self reflection and listened to the whisper of my own mind, asking, telling, wanderinga around.....wondering. Your heart came out and showed us how very real you are. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
there's a part of you inside of me~~  M |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
doing these makes me happy. I love getting "into" a character (she is not me)....  and of course Duncan makes it easy...I just follow the talent... Thank you all for the very kind replies. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" ~Unknown~ |
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lostspirit New Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 1state of fl ,st.lucie county |
you took my heart but didn't know it you made me see life could be good and fun your eyes were so deep with love your smile like the stars I would have walked to the end of the earth I was crushed but understood thanks for the moment in time I've never forgotten each day I remember |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
A very impressive piece Susan. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Thank you for following these. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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