Snowbanks and "therapy" - pipTalk Forums

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Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

0 posted 2006-01-03 03:02 PM

Does it hurt?
you ask with concern
I shrug my shoulders
with a noncommittal noise

Sometimes
I reply,
Sometimes all I want to do
is curl up and die
Why?
you ask, pretending you're
my therapist
we both know I'm my own therapist
but we play this charade anyway
because it makes you feel like
you can do something to help me

I love how you run your fingers
through your hair in exasperation
when I say things like that
you can't understand how deeply
the demon has drilled into my soul,
I say and you close your eyes

I grin and you try
to glare
but cannot
because my grin is infectious
and we end up walking
down the road together
and somehow you end up
in a snowbank
for once you're one step ahead of me
and you pull me in with you
so I curl up and die in your arms

like I do every time you touch me

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2006-01-03 03:05 PM

Skyfire

Your grin IS infectious!! Wonderful poem!

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

2 posted 2006-01-03 04:29 PM

Rhonda,
It's nice to know you're getting therapy!

Just kidding. This is a delightful write. So far I like your demons.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

3 posted 2006-01-03 04:34 PM

Hi Rhonda.  Haven't read your poetry in a while, which is my fault entirely.

One of my favourite types of poem is the anecdotal monologue, like this one of yours.  It has the advantage of describing both a brief event and relating its emotional relevance, both of which you do very well.

You bring us in suddenly, and don't give us all the facts, but do show us what you think is important or significant.  There isn't really anything missing, either, since you've found such a good place to begin and to end.  It appears to be cyclical, especially how you solve the issue of "I wish I could die" by finding an alternative to death that is positive, and actually calling it death---it's even ironic, and makes me want to read this a few times (like all good poetry does).

Overall, this is charming, and it was wise of you to keep it from being all that negative.  It's overall a light, positive story, even if the imagery you use (like the demon, which is curious) appears dark at times.  The subtle optimism in this poem overwhelms the demons, though, which is what I like about it.

Very nice writing, Rhonda.  I'm going to have to see what else you can do in the future.  You've done a lot of growing since the Teen forum (and I don't mean that in a bad way).

Be seeing you.
Brian

"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

Jeep Monkey
Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 96
Chaos

4 posted 2006-01-03 05:13 PM

To have that person you can curl up with and die - whew - I like it.

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