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Open Poetry #36
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Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2005-12-26 08:51 AM



In  collaboration with a very talented singer/songwriter Joey Edgerly and his band, H-88, my poem "Small Pain in my Chest" has been turned into song. Call me biased but I think he did an incredible job . This demo was recorded as a rough draft! The final mix will have more piano and strings. He tells me that it is being performed before large crowds and the reception has been very enthusiastic and positive. Hopefully coming to a CD near you!!  Please check out his website at: http://www.h-88.us/

http://www.dump.com/laqd/small-pain---the-song


The soldier boy was sitting calmly underneath that tree.
As I approached it, I could see him beckoning to me.
The battle had been long and hard and lasted through the night
And scores of figures on the ground lay still by morning's light.

"I wonder if you'd help me, sir", he smiled as best he could.
"A sip of water on this morn would surely do me good.
We fought all day and fought all night with scarcely any rest -
A sip of water for I have a small pain in my chest."

As I looked at him, I could see the large stain on his shirt
All reddish-brown from his warm blood mixed in with Asian dirt.
"Not much", said he. "I count myself more lucky than the rest.
They're all gone while I just have a small pain in my chest."

"Must be fatigue", he weakly smiled. "I must be getting old.
I see the sun is shining bright and yet I'm feeling cold.
We climbed the hill, two hundred strong, but as we cleared the crest,
The night exploded and I felt this small pain in my chest."

"I looked around to get some aid - the only things I found
Were big, deep craters in the earth - bodies on the ground.
I kept on firing at them, sir. I tried to do my best,
But finally sat down with this small pain in my chest."

"I'm grateful, sir", he whispered, as I handed my canteen
And smiled a smile that was, I think, the brightest that I've seen.
"Seems silly that a man my size so full of vim and zest,
Could find himself defeated by a small pain in his chest."

"What would my wife be thinking of her man so strong and grown,
If she could see me sitting here, too weak to stand alone?
Could my mother have imagined, as she held me to her breast,
That I'd be sitting HERE one day with this pain in my chest?"

"Can it be getting dark so soon?" He winced up at the sun.
"It's growing dim and I thought that the day had just begun.
I think, before I travel on, I'll get a little rest ..........
And, quietly, the boy died from that small pain in his chest.

I don't recall what happened then. I think I must have cried;
I put my arms around him and I pulled him to my side
And, as I held him to me, I could feel our wounds were pressed
The large one in my heart against the small one in his chest.

© Copyright 2005 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
1 posted 2005-12-26 09:02 AM


It was easy enough to cry over this one
just in its reading alone...

Now....it's golden rain!

Congratulations, Michael!

Be very, very proud of this one!

We know a celebrity!





and you can be biased all you want, because I think the rest of Passions will feel the same way - he did an incredible job for a first cut!

Let us know when this Texas band has the CD out!

.

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2005-12-26 09:34 AM


He did an EXCELLENT job Michael.

I do a lot of this and I thought this was great.

Super words too my friend.

Eric

Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2005-12-26 11:06 AM


Balladeer
This is great, one of my favorites. Congrats

kayjay
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since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
4 posted 2005-12-26 11:08 AM


You've found a telling way to show the big story by sharing one moment of it.  This is a great poem, and yes, I loved listening to it.  
Well done, sir!  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2005-12-26 12:15 PM


I guess I'm just gonna have to buy the cd, huh?

growls and winks

I WANT MY ALTECS BACK.

This will prolly be picked up by a film production, become nominated (and win) an Academy Award for "Best Song" and then, and only then will I get to hear it as performed by Beyonce'.<--I get carried away at times.

Love ya Mike!

Midnitesun
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Gaia
6 posted 2005-12-26 12:32 PM


Well, I remember the first time I read this I cried, as it gave me a big pain in my heart.
And I cried again this morning, listening to this superb recording of your poetry.
The music, the voice, the guitar, all fit together perfectly. A song one for all to hear.
BRAVO! it's a very very fine offering, Mike.
How could anyone listen to this, and NOT be moved to tears?

Martie
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California
7 posted 2005-12-26 12:33 PM


Wonderful, Mike!!  It sounds great!!!
Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
8 posted 2005-12-26 12:41 PM




Darn!  I just did ma eyes!  This is one that gets me every single time!  Congratulations - and Karen is right, it may just get the attention it deserves in some way for sure!  

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
9 posted 2005-12-26 12:42 PM


Dear Michael

This is FANTASTIC!
I hope this will be recorded

So amazed at your talent
So touched by these sentiments
So proud to be your friend

Love you
Liz

Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
10 posted 2005-12-26 12:45 PM


It's me again ... did you know Lizzie has her poetry being recorded too?  Yup, the two of you make quite a pair.  However ... Our Lizzie is not really great with computers so you will just have to phone her to listen to it   Merry Christmas you two talented people.
inot2B
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since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205
Arkansas
11 posted 2005-12-26 12:46 PM


My heart breaks as I listen to your words, yet I smile at knowing, "Balladeer" the song writer.
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
12 posted 2005-12-26 12:54 PM


Oh my gosh Deer, this is just so beautiful!!!

I've read the poem
I've heard you recite the poem (in New Port Richey)
I've heard the song

I loved it all and now "I WANNA HAVE THAT CD"

Can I have your autograph please, Sir?
Serenity is right, you're gonna be famous and then I'll tell my friends 'I know that Balladeer, he even hugged me in Tampa' and I'm sure they won't believe me

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
13 posted 2005-12-26 12:58 PM



Mister Mack, your masterful words have been masterfully put to music!

Even if the lyrics were not by you, Deer Man, I'd be buying the CD! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

A brilliant collaboration! I am so thrilled for you all! Now a screenplay needs to be written so that this masterpiece can be used as the theme song for the movie!!!

Very impressive!!!

Love & Congratulatory hugs,
Linda

majnu
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Senior Member
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Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
14 posted 2005-12-26 01:26 PM


not as good as your original but then that is a lot to live up to.

still its pretty cool.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Local Rebel
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since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
15 posted 2005-12-26 01:54 PM


Congratulations Mike... hope it's a success for all concerned by whatever metrics anyone uses...


Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
16 posted 2005-12-26 03:09 PM



Balladeer~
This is just such wonderful news to read and hear~

I visited Joey's homepage link and left a note in his guestbook~

This is, and has always been, one of my favorites of yours ... as I've said before, I will never, ever forget the night you read it at New Poet Richey ... ~

You are special~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email -         noles1@totcon.com       

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
17 posted 2005-12-26 05:17 PM


You are amazing and this was very touching!
I know a local singer who could have done justice to this poem. But I never thought to ask you. Now it's done.Good for you. martyjo

Jeep Monkey
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since 2005-12-18
Posts 96
Chaos
18 posted 2005-12-26 06:11 PM


This is so very good, Balladeer.  Easy to see why one would put music to it.
Fagin
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since 2004-05-07
Posts 126
Ca
19 posted 2005-12-26 08:09 PM


You hit the nail on the head, specially when you figure I have been the one to be holdiing the friend that was fading away. Those that have been there will feel it the most. The cool thing is is that this piece bleeds sincerity and is not at all trite, and I have heard a lot of them that  are. I'm downloading the song because the streaming is not working well enough to give it a good listen.

Balladeer
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Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
20 posted 2005-12-26 08:31 PM


I want to thank you all for your support and your heart-warming responses. When the final cut is made I'll place it here somewhere.

I consider you all good friends - thank you again.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
21 posted 2005-12-27 07:17 PM


I think this needs a bump and I forgot to put it in my library and I just couldn't resist to listen again

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Jeffrey Carter
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since 2000-04-08
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State of constant confusion!
22 posted 2005-12-27 10:31 PM


OMG! OMG! OMG! Michael, this is absolutely wonderful! Can't wait to hear it on my radio!
suthern
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since 1999-07-29
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Louisiana
23 posted 2005-12-28 10:41 AM


I celebrate any reason to read this poem again for it's one of my favorites of your work... but I celebrate doubly knowing that will be finding an even greater audience. *S*

yeee-HA!!!! *S*

P.S... I never thought I'd smile while or after reading it... but this time... I do... even if the smiles come through tears. *S* Congratulations!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
24 posted 2005-12-28 11:19 AM




An outstanding job!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
25 posted 2005-12-28 12:19 PM


Bravo!!  

believe in what your heart feels...

Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration
26 posted 2005-12-28 03:30 PM


Mike - I've told you before that not only is this my favorite of yours, but also one of my all-time favorites. I appreciate the sincerity in which it is sung... it fits.
Neeraja
Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812
The Netherlands
27 posted 2006-01-05 08:22 AM


my favorite poem will now be my favorite song!!!




Neeraja

Elizabeth Santos
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since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
28 posted 2006-01-05 04:41 PM



             (bump)

Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
29 posted 2006-01-05 06:31 PM


WooHoo!!! I get to add another name to my list of famous people I know. Seems Toerag was wrong about you all along. And I am thrilled you found dump.com because it has been a delightful addition to your craft. Thanks Mike.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Balladeer
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Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
30 posted 2006-01-05 08:13 PM


LOL! Thanks again for the fun and also sincere replies.

Larry, I'd have to invent a cookie to become famous!

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