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Open Poetry #36
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a camouflage of steel
| Open Poetry #36 |
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a camouflage of steel |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Green the green a-tumbling asphalt and the rolling hills asphalt and she saw the stars or at least she thought she did holding onto something tight it almost bit her hand in half she thought it was her skull so she shrugged the thought, and thought, perhaps it could be glued or sewn into facsimile something that she used to be, so she held on to it very tight there had to be a surgery to remove the helmet she was praying to for mercy please "Jesus are you there, in this?" Jesus-was-betrayed-by-kiss things she thought she had forgot: they sought her out-- ignored her pleas as she learned to crawl again across a highway in spotlights red and white and siren scream and she gave 'em all good fight: "I have to get home before dark-- mother's waiting there for me" and John was sprawling miles away within inches of her reach as she begged the guards of gates "take care of him--take care of him" John raised his head instinctively he heard her voice - he felt her need-- he saw her mass of bones and bleed and passed out at the sight of "it". "Don't touch me--I will kick yer ass" John was lying with the tank of the bike in cradling and Julianne could smell the gas she screamed that John was all she had and god-you-had-to save him please as a gathering began around the broken bits of them. "Lord have mercy on their souls..." murmering the mercies, she rebuked them all, the lathering: "Don't you pray for me!" she spat. Save-him-save-him-this-shall-pass She felt the comfort of a hand from daddy's funeral long ago... and she refused to die like that and she denied the right of God to take from her another man dreaming "this ain't happening" my-god-you-have-forsaken-me pleading for a rosary in Arkansas...she says she laughed at absurdity of life confessed that she was not good wife but what a life she'd had... and then she crossed herself. She kicked at them with one good leg. She insisted, "Take him first; I can take much more than this-- so put him in the ambulance and g'damn you all," she cursed her saviors as they complied. And this time, John, he didn't die... My Julianne, she called tonight. I lit a candle colored "bone" "Solstice" I could hear her smile-- "tell them all I'm walking home" That we should look for her in March, the month of hungry lioness, licking from her paws the blood of the lunch she'd left untouched as the carrion made feast she whispered "bones are made like pearls-- perhaps I love the sand too much..." but I heard her grit her teeth and gems shall be her legacy knotted on a string of silk to frame a graceful curve of neck - in camouflage of steel. |
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| © Copyright 2005 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I won't pretent to "get" all of it..as it is your story... but this: "and she denied the right of God to take from her another man dreaming "this ain't happening" my-god-you-have-forsaken-me" hit me hard. and they don't have to leave this earth to have been taken from us...  I love you lady.."too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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pandonov Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478b/w conscience and insolence |
painful masterpiece... |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Amazing the feel of the metal, the sounds of agony, the wrenching of emotion. So very raw and vivid. Haunting write, but masterful. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
This paradoxically, brilliant, dark, dark poem is paralysingly powerful and magnificently beautiful, and I think your most stunning masterpiece of the ones I have read so far – though it is difficult to hold all I have read of yours in my mind at one time. I suspect very strongly that you have a very, very high IQ. Besides the unexpected images, there are very many extremely clever lines, words and plays on words. It is obviously very personal so, although I don’t follow the story, I don’t expect you to explain it, though the rich maze of pathways in the poem tantalize the imagination. Even without unraveling the story, there is so much to savour in this feast of poetic artistry. However, I am very sad, that something is weighing you down like this. Whether this is about you or somebody else, it must have exhausted you to sculpt such perfection. I hope the experience was also cathartic. - Owl |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karen An amazing poem from an amazing woman!  |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
just.....WOW! M'lady.  m xx how i would love you, love you as no one ever did! Die and still, love you more. And still love you more..and more |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I was going to explain this one anyway.  Before the storm, I was asked to act as matron of honor in my friend's wedding. I have known Julianne since the second grade. Last night I finally heard from her after hearing news that she and her fiance had a near fatal motorcycle accident in Arkansas during evacuation. And people call me strong? I shake my head. Juli lost a kidney at fifteen, which contributed to some osteo condition where she began losing bone mass. So throughout her life, she had broken her back and had a steel rod put in there. She broke her neck, and yes, another steel rod was put in there. The impact of the truck that hit her fiance's Harley hit her leg, and broke her femur right in half. So now she has a steel rod leg too. Her fiance, sadly, was not as fortunate. He lost his leg, and during the ensuing chaos of hospital care, they were separated during recovery. But I'm still smiing, and hopefully she is too now--we had a three hour phone conversation last night with much weeping, laughing at my morbid jokes, and promises of the future. She has spent the past twenty years "trying to grow bone." So I know she would be pleased if any of you who might be the praying type, to pray for them both. Their heart's desire is to not only return to New Orleans, but they want to WALK down the aisle together. I promised her I would write a poem for her if she would write me a letter. (Her right hand was also crushed, and she must learn to use her left, and as you can tell, she's stubborn--so I asked for a paragraph--just three sentences. (She'll get a copy of this poem when I receive, because...well, I know her.  )As for this poem? I just typed it. Much of it is her words, that I just put to a rhythm. But thank you for reading my attempt. And I know she would approve, she asked me to write it for her. If you think about it, it's not as sad a story as it might seem at first glance. There's hope in there, and friends? She is a strong lady.  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
desperately searching for the right words, and failing miserably. hugs are better than words, if only they weren't 'cyber' ones |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Karen? This is absurd because while I was reading, before I read your reply, every word, besides the names - well, some of the names actually, are nearly exact as to what I came here to write today. Last night I could not sleep and watched the crucifixion on a religous channel and you know? it was the best version I have seen so far. It showed them all as people. I have struggled to put what I felt into words from this and oddly, enough, you did that for me. You see? I was coming from the mind of Mary and what she endured. Also that of Jesus, and how he must have fought with his own spirit. Nobody seems to think too much about the people . . . read again and then what I wrote here. yes? *nodding* Many prayers for your friends and hoping they get their wish. If you have anything to do with, I am quite sure they will. Hugs to you and most importantly, to them and the people who endure things I doubt I could. Beautiful . . . |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
And Susie? I'm having a "whoa" moment concerning this poem myself... Today I received the most gorgeous present from a much cherished friend. I was astonished when I opened the box--inside was a beautiful, perfectly matched string of pearls. I had no idea that gift was forthcoming, but I had just read my own words before receiving my mail: ""bones are made like pearls-- perhaps I love the sand too much..." but I heard her grit her teeth and gems shall be her legacy knotted on a string of silk to frame a graceful curve of neck - in camouflage of steel." *blinking back tears* here I just thought, "For me?" So maybe there is hope for me yet, yes? Love you Susie Q.... and oh my. sigh. I need to gather myself here. Someone just collapsed me. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
aww . . . well bless that soul who sent that Karen, they knew . . . thinking now, those pearls will help you and your friend . . . yes? A sign of the bond for you both. Of course there is hope for you . . . (silly) Cry some good ones, you are much loved. I love you too . . . *smile* Now a proper Lady does need a string of pearls . . . (this floored me, you always do, its a beautiful thing) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Through these, my tears, for their losses, your compassion, their strength borrowed upon yours... I send them my prayers... for a life full of steel promises... and hugging you for always bringing us a bite of reality. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Thanks for the explanation, Serenity Blaze. My prayers for your friends. They will be fine because they have a friend like you. - Owl |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Sharing tears and smiles here. Thanks for the explanation. hugs, martyjo |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
My Julianne, she called tonight. I lit a candle colored "bone" "Solstice" I could hear her smile-- "tell them all I'm walking home" That we should look for her in March, the month of hungry lioness, licking from her paws the blood of the lunch she'd left untouched as the carrion made feast she whispered "bones are made like pearls-- perhaps I love the sand too much..." but I heard her grit her teeth and gems shall be her legacy knotted on a string of silk to frame a graceful curve of neck - in camouflage of steel. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I read this yesterday morning early before any replies and had quite a few "whoa moments" from the imagery and depth of the write...Ive always said you can turn anything into astonishing poetry... I do so love when you prove me right  |
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Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Karen, when you first posted this, I read it and thought....oh,no, a motorcycle accident! Oh dear God....family? Friends? I hesitated to comment because my hubby was in such a horrible Harley crash in the early 80's. Same type of injury as your Juli. It will be a long journey back for your friends, but we will pray for their full recoveries, and you will write a poem about their walk down the isle. Luv you, Chrislane |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
'Scuse me while I get my jaw. It dropped and bounced under the sofa where the dustbunnies breed like wire clotheshangers. Dayum, Sis! |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
serenity, I was in awe of the intensity of this before I read your response. Afterward, I am even more in awe of your skillful expression and conveyance of emotions. I know there has been much devastion around your home, and Christmas could not be the same. Still, I wish you a happy Christmas for all the blessings that remain. cathy |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
How weird! I read it and at first thought it was the story of Mary actually, and that you went off track (get me LOL,) but after your explanation then Suzie's response I am truly amazed! I am amazed how much we have all become to think alike, but trust me not matter how good we get at that, I will never be able to touch these lines, ever! "bones are made like pearls-- perhaps I love the sand too much..." but I heard her grit her teeth and gems shall be her legacy knotted on a string of silk to frame a graceful curve of neck - in camouflage of steel." Yes for you - you definitely should be wearing pearls too! Sorry I missed this lst go 'round. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
hard and cold and beautiful -majnu |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Karen, the first time through I read it I did feel sadness; the second time, I read a little better and gleaned that you were writing it for someone near to you, and felt the happy ending. I'm feeling strongly that it will be, too. With a name like that, Julianne, how could it not be?!! I understand her bone problems well...working on growing some of my own. And...I will, of course, keep her in my prayers (and you know what those be). What a wonderful friend you are! Love ya, jo |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*smiles* My family just read this, and are full of suggestions about who to write about next. Kind of like- "If they liked that one, you should write about fill-in-the-blank!" When we used to have parties, they were alot like hobbit celebrations--much drinking of mead and telling tales of warfare and survival. But I thank you for welcoming Juli's story with prayers. (pause) She's never been an easy friend to have--but I don't think she'd mind if I made her a series. grin She's kinda like Lucy Ricardo yanno, "I wanna be in the show, Ricky!" Yep. A loveable pain in me arse, she is... ya'll have a merry one--whatever you like to call it. Much love to you all. signed, Grinch-enity. |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Karen...Very touching story. Faith, Hope and their love for each other and friends like you will see them thru this ordeal. Thanks for sharing...Paul ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
quote ____________________________________________ My family just read this, and are full of suggestions about who to write about next. Kind of like- "If they liked that one, you should write about fill-in-the-blank!" ____________________________________________________ This is the best compliment you could ever wish for. How many family memebrs ever bother to read anothers writing? Be it sibling or parent or other relative? Consider yourself wealthy! Best to you.Happy "Holidays" martyjo |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Oh, my.... I know that's not much of a response... but it's what you get when you leave me speechless... and you did. *S* As for prayers... you betcha. *S* But with the determination your friends have... don't be surprised if they dance down that aisle. *S* |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
An UPDATE: I got my left-handed letter today!  Juli gets her poem, and for those who prayed for my friends---thank you John is also doing well--he has a prosthetic leg, and is no longer in a wheelchair, and walks with a cane...so... maybe we are mending afterall, eh? Love to all. |
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