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Open Poetry #36
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Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast

0 posted 2005-11-08 07:41 AM


what did you save from the dark
your lips whispered the sounds
and I read the poems in your eyes

you were taller in white
but the dark colors were secrets
that made you pedestal perfect

the spirits were an audience behind
clapping invisible hands on que
like snapshot dancers of light

and you said their tattoos were warm
on your skin some mornings
when the early songs came

and they opened your mind's windows
__________

daark


© Copyright 2005 ©Dark 2k - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2005-11-08 07:47 AM


it is from the darkness, when we enter without fear, we find the tattoos of even song slightly touching our faces, with warmth
and you've described her so perfectly, in understanding in an almost acceptance for her success, her growth, and that you admire most dearly...

wonderful morning read!

JungelPrints
New Member
since 2005-11-07
Posts 1

2 posted 2005-11-08 08:24 AM


Beautiful...
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2005-11-08 11:05 AM


"the spirits were an audience behind
clapping invisible hands on que
like snapshot dancers of light"


I love how you do that....
this is fantastic

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2005-11-08 11:14 AM


DS

"I read the poems in your eyes"  I love that!!  

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
5 posted 2005-11-08 05:14 PM


Yes, they are there, aren't they? No better place to read them than in the eyes of the one in whom they live.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Yogi
Member
since 2001-11-05
Posts 68

6 posted 2005-11-08 05:36 PM


Awsome Write
OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
7 posted 2005-11-08 06:14 PM


Very beautiful.  I loved every word as well as the mist clothing your poem and the ambiance you created.  There is a typing/spelling error in the third stanza.  I am sure you meant “cue”.  

Personally I would have made the second line in the third stanza:

“invisible hands, clapping on cue”, although it interrupts the metre a little.  

I like the effect of the title reversed in the final line.  It reminds me of a poem of mine, called Moon Patterns.

Thank you for the pleasure of reading your poem.

- Owl


Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
8 posted 2005-11-10 01:37 PM


Mr. D, you always write it with perfection...

just enough to get us going and too little to get us there...

I always enjoy.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
9 posted 2005-11-17 01:44 PM


Sorry, came back to add this to my library.  I don't know how to do it without being in a reply.

- Owl

MGROVES
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802
california
10 posted 2005-11-19 07:54 AM


i have missed your whispers of wisdom.

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

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