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Open Poetry #36
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Bodger
Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time

0 posted 2005-10-14 09:03 PM



Civilised we spoke dark tantrums in especial minds urging words to force as a dark tantrum to care less in a statement of 'I am above everything' eliting 'I can get away with it'

No love nor control only exultation outdoing each drunken object in it's dreams

In exaltation they marched
To what hill or vale
To what in this world mattered

Like the hounds of stupidity unleashed they rampaged on ego as they delivered 20 not 80% in shards of billing friends for shareholders to pay

Like hounds they live until their time and then fight
For having been treated as Gods
They still become uneasy

In the shadow

Of a forked stick

© Copyright 2005 Dave Page - Cirencester UK - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2005-10-14 09:24 PM


Your "constructive critiques" message:

quote:
"Write decent poety. Do it for fun, ego and because you love doing it and it comes as it is. Take care and write well and dont attack writers because they dont agree with you"

Oh, my friend!

I would NEVER change a word.  However, I would offer up the use of periods, commas, sometimes even exclamation points.  I feel I DO know where you are writing from, but at times?  My red pen wants to come and say, "but if here, you added this; and if there, that!"

I am not well-educated...

but that would be a humble poet's input.



Write on, my friend.

Bodger
Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time
2 posted 2005-10-16 12:32 PM


Writing is an attempt to pass an idea to an unknown audience through unknown mechanism

Subject of course

To subjectivity

Maybe I love the words too much to impose speed limits, construction and delays on thought and fingers

May be I am wrong

Thanks Sunshine

Bodger

MGROVES
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802
california
3 posted 2005-10-16 08:49 PM


always interesting

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

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