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Open Poetry #36
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Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

0 posted 2005-10-06 04:15 AM



autumn's flame bursts
upon my eyes like stardust -
crimson tides float by

© Copyright 2005 Rebecca Reese - All Rights Reserved
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
1 posted 2005-10-06 05:35 AM



autumn bursts
like stardust upon my eyes -
crimson tides

good

Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA
2 posted 2005-10-06 01:16 PM


bravo  excellent rewrite! I wrote mine spontaneously in an ongoing chain but I love your rewrite...can I use it?  
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2005-10-06 04:22 PM


flaming leaves of fall
burst open the darkest souls
brighten the mourning

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
4 posted 2005-10-07 05:09 AM



Beki

Not a rewrite, merely another translation;
the words came from some country in you;
no need for permission for what is your own.

John


ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
5 posted 2005-10-07 06:42 AM



Beki
I like the way this poem aligns itself with its subject, not only in words-but in a concrete vision of autumn imotion...Like fall it combusts spontaneously..The feelings, and sight of a world on fire is what you have captured...

enjoyed
----------ice
   ><>

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

6 posted 2005-10-07 07:32 AM


Beki, this was marvelous writing....
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