Shell - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2005-09-30 12:13 PM

Shell

Our blundering mattocks glitter
with the dust of crystal spheres,
the stars the shards still falling,
while within the final shell we hoard
mere warmth, ephemeral entropy;
count us wise as carefully we note
the time of small events within the fire.
Yet we cannot, dare not, leave the wold;
the quiet vortex at the center calls a call
and cells respond, would scrabble
to the back wall of the cave while outside
stars fall round in helpless balance,
and the fire dwindles.

bslicker

Member Elite

since 2000-12-04

Posts 2321
state of mind

1 posted 2005-09-30 12:24 PM

enjoyed
i like this one

Bernie

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2005-09-30 12:25 PM

Ed

You took me to a land far far away. Wonderful use of imagery to show the feelings of the narrator. I had to look up a couple of words...(that's a good thing!)

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2005-09-30 12:31 PM

I had never used or even heard the word "wold".... I wrote it and knew it was the right word, without even knowing whether it was a word.....just trying to describe the feeling of that memory.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

4 posted 2005-09-30 02:41 PM

ahhh the 'open country' it's some what a contrast of words....shell and wold.....nice ED....

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2005-10-05 02:32 PM

and cells respond, would scrabble
to the back wall of the cave while outside
stars fall round in helpless balance,
and the fire dwindles.

Instincts... fear of the unknown... you've captured the most basic of natures... in such a way we don't just read... we're THERE.

Outstanding write!!

Angelheart
Senior Member

since 2005-09-08

Posts 754
Jacksonville,FL USA

6 posted 2005-10-05 04:36 PM

thanks for your this, very nice it was.

Poetry can get you very far
-Laura

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

7 posted 2005-10-05 06:47 PM

like a turtle we are sometimes
recoiling from life
into our shell
or cave

nice write, mr ratman!

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

8 posted 2005-10-05 06:54 PM

Ah, Midnite....you are so very right, in more ways than I can say.

On the other hand, turtle does symbolize long life....maybe that's why -- when the sky is falling down....he's a rock.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

9 posted 2005-10-06 02:23 AM

Ed, Agreeing with midnight here, this is just what I read in your words.. you are so inside and expressive. best to you, martyjo

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.