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crimson tear
Member

since 2003-06-07

Posts 76
Massachusetts

0 posted 2005-09-28 03:15 PM

(another unrealized song)

Another day of
i'm just not good enough
another day
and i just need to feel your touch
another day
all alone in this place
i've got to find my way back
to the light of your grace

Another night
and i just can't sleep
another night of
i just need to see your face
and all my dreams
come crashing down all around
and all i need is you

lift me up and hold me tight
tell me i'm going to be all right
let me bathe in the warmth of your love
cuz all i'm dreaming of is you

another quiet death
something inside me dies
i have nothing left
and no one hears my cries

and all alone
i fall to pieces without you
i need my home
and i don't know what to do

another clean break
part of my sould falls away
this life was mine to make
and i don't want another day
my side is empty now
and all i feel is the pain

Angelheart
Senior Member

since 2005-09-08

Posts 754
Jacksonville,FL USA

1 posted 2005-09-28 03:40 PM

aaaww sorry to hear that, and this is a well written thanks for sharing.

Poetry can get you very far
-Laura

Sharksbean
Member

since 2005-09-25

Posts 368
jax

2 posted 2005-09-28 05:07 PM

you always have friends here at piptalk and thankyou for sharing

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2005-09-29 01:45 AM

Enjoyed...James

HopeS
Member Elite

since 2000-12-22

Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia

4 posted 2005-09-29 05:43 AM

Sadnes , lonliness and longing , so touching and yet wonderfully expressed

Hope

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

5 posted 2005-09-29 06:12 AM

quote:
this life was mine to make

... it still is!

Beautiful, yet sad song!

Love,
Margherita

SarBear
Member

since 2003-06-05

Posts 205
Massachusetts

6 posted 2005-10-02 11:45 AM

Just one little suggestion. In this Stanza...

another quiet death
something inside me dies
i have nothing left
and no one hears my cries

what if you put Something inside me dies before Another quiet death?

It would just make more sense I think.

Very well written.

Glistening Tears Roll Down My Cheeks
Turn Into *Diamonds* and fall at your feet

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