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Open Poetry #36
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I Cry
| Open Poetry #36 |
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I Cry |
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xFromtheHeartx Member
since 2005-09-24
Posts 80Florida U.S. |
I cry Keep it from her mind So she can be so blind Cause shes thinking i am this And she will always miss The reasons why I cry When i wanna die I cry Cause I knew it from the start And Im going to fall apart Knew from the start Just to fall apart Hear her very voice I see no other choice But to say im okay Each day When I cry Because i dont wanna lie But im not who she sees And she always belivies All the lies That hide me from her eyes That have always bound Me to pieces on the ground Always bound from her eyes That she believes By the guy shes thinks she sees When look into her eyes I can see my own lies That have forced her to believe That she will never leave The guy she thinks she sees I am gonna die All i do is lie I knew it from the start I have fell apart She believes in me This isnt so easy But soon she will see me For when i hear her voice Ill have another choice To say Im not okay She will see The real me Dont hind it from her mind So she can see me fine She'll know im not this And she will never miss The reasons why I cry |
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| © Copyright 2005 Casey Brock - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Dear FromtheHeart Considering your critique message: I won't tell you if I like or dislike this poem, but I will ask you...Do you like it? Do you feel comfortable with how it turned out? After all, you are your best and worst critic. The poem has an old, but good theme...Angst can be written about over and over from different angles and points of view... My humble advice is that you read the poem out loud to yourself..eliminate every word that is repetitive, makes you stumble, or does not need to be in it at all... And be careful of forced rhyme.. Also, that you please keep writting and posting.. Peace--------ice ><> |
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Sharksbean Member
since 2005-09-25
Posts 368jax |
well cry til you cant cry because i know it has to hurt you. -may the force be with you in poetry |
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Angelheart Senior Member
since 2005-09-08
Posts 754Jacksonville,FL USA |
this is very sad but very good ..thanks for sharing. Poetry can get you very far |
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sweetpoetess Member
since 2005-02-27
Posts 428Florida |
This was a sad but good poem. I think you really wrote this from the heart. Being repitive is not always a bad thing. Especially if you write it from the heart. Keep up the good poetry Casey!!! Poetry is beauty in words. |
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