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Open Poetry #36
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Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA

0 posted 2005-08-26 10:35 AM



La Belle Dame


She raises a cultivated eyebrow
and sips fog
from a frosted tumbler.

Pale tendrils weave
across her creamy forehead,
and frame the shadows
beneath aristocratic cheekbones.

Long fingers dipped in crimson
play idly with a heavy
gold-encrusted pendant
that lies in the soft valley
edged in burgundy silk.

Lashes like ashes of dreams
veil eyes that gleam like cooling embers.

“Sometimes,” she sighs,
in a voice that echoes
with the tinkle of breaking mirrors,

“I get hungry.”

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

© Copyright 2005 Nancy Wilcox - All Rights Reserved
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

1 posted 2005-08-26 11:10 AM


A very descriptive write of the lady
with just a perfect touch on the ending.

I enjoyed this very well written piece Nan!

yesterday is gone
tomorrow doesn't exist

Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
2 posted 2005-08-26 11:20 AM


I much enjoyed the masterful descriptiveness of this piece. Yet, when all is said and done, I felt I gained nothing from it. What is it you are trying to communicate?

It's only a tragedy after we bleed.
Your pain doesn't count 'til it's stained the sheets.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
3 posted 2005-08-26 01:08 PM


Thanks to you both for reading and commenting.  I'm only trying to convey an atmosphere in this one. I'm sorry if it didn't get through, and wasted your time.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
4 posted 2005-08-26 02:13 PM


Nan~
Oh my ... I felt the grace of this matriarch ... saw her elegantly through your word-eyes ... then the reality hit ... she's only human, just like the rest of us in her hunger~

I get hungry too ... but, for me ... you painted such a lovely character ... that I could feel her hunger~

You've got some dynamite lines in here, poetess~

'Long fingers dipped in crimson
play idly with a heavy
gold-encrusted pendant
that lies in the soft valley
edged in burgundy silk.'


Oh ... what a portraiture you paint~



*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
5 posted 2005-08-26 07:16 PM


Pilgrimage~

ohhh...nice....transports your reader~~~
~baby

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
6 posted 2005-08-26 07:28 PM



Long fingers dipped in crimson
play idly with a heavy
gold-encrusted pendant
that lies in the soft valley
edged in burgundy silk.


Hi Nan,
I really enjoyed this verse as well as all of them.
I could see the lady sitting there...
doing what you describe. thank you for sharing this
beautiful poem with us.
Hugs,
Ethel

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2005-08-26 07:39 PM


Nan

Excellent use of poetic words to paint a portrait of a person.  I enjoyed reading this a great deal, and like to do it myself.  

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
8 posted 2005-08-27 12:48 PM


"Lashes like ashes of dreams
veil eyes that gleam like cooling embers."

As I read this I could just imagine you sitting in front of a portrait of this woman at the fine arts museum with a sketch pad.  Great descriptions!  


Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
9 posted 2005-08-27 06:18 PM




I would love for you to tell me bedtime stories..this is what I'm talking about. I'm a sucker for such poems...enjoyed...yes I'm a dork

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

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