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Open Poetry #36
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brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa

0 posted 2005-08-25 12:40 PM



          lulled
    awake     by
         the classics
                          --that stroke
                      of black and white
                   rendering one side
                      useless--
put ache to floor
        get ready for
another
        greasy
                  drone
grind toothbrush
        to bone

RINSE
SMILE           (Still Life With Unripe Persimmons)

            the morning
wrings her hands
    I am the troubled child
grown bland
               turning away from
          imploring
        cloudy sun
my duty's shoulders shielding

                        --I remember the moon
                               duty free
                          saturday's skin full
                               of silver--
face the rain resigned
     supplicate to the random
anxieties
          filling every pore
                
  it's amazing the way
this thorn is ignored --
                 a barn of sharp tools
                   trunks full of old skins
QUICK
scrape the vision away
         keep it moving
through narrow optic sins
                          (you can hang plants
                             but the hooks
                           will take anything)
          going now to
        face the door
there are only two numbers
on the combination
lock
               one to go in
               none to turn black
(widebrightblisseye)  
                      
      but NO
dial it in
   roll it back
       wave the carrion-must away

Sad Jack of 10 seasons
        wrack-bowed
   to make training wheels
           of my feet
and
   Buster
the eagerness of a womb's age
                       being born
                  in his tail --
  
     gathering speed

© Copyright 2005 brian sites - All Rights Reserved
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

1 posted 2005-08-25 01:44 AM


"put ache to floor
        get ready for
another
        greasy
                  drone
grind toothbrush
        to bone

RINSE
SMILE           (Still Life With Unripe Persimmons)

            the morning
wrings her hands
    I am the troubled child
grown bland
               turning away from
          imploring
        cloudy sun
my duty's shoulders shielding"

I could read this over and over for days and still feel like I'd barely broken through the first layers of meaning.  Very good (and always a challenge) to read you again, Brian...       

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
2 posted 2005-08-25 03:22 AM


QUICK
scrape the vision away
         keep it moving
through narrow optic sins

It's only rock and roll, but I like it!!
Terrific writing, and so much to ponder.
Thanks, brian sites~

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2005-08-25 06:56 AM


   the morning
wrings her hands
    I am the troubled child
grown bland
               turning away from
          imploring
        cloudy sun
my duty's shoulders shielding


Fabulous imagery here Brian, it's great to read you again...thank you.

Maree

~i want for myself your trembling~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2005-08-25 07:41 AM


I love it when
our fellows
come home.

Welcome back, Bri!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
5 posted 2005-08-25 09:11 AM


Oh my!  It is going to be a beautiful day!!


"  it's amazing the way
this thorn is ignored --"

That line pierced me...so, so true...
Makes you want to scream it, "People don't you see it?"

I am so glad to see you posting!

It's starting to feel like the pip I used to know!  

  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
6 posted 2005-08-25 09:15 AM


you have NO idea how good it is to see you.

This wheeled me right back to my childhood and kind of like seeing the child and the boy and them together - as man - in present, existing.

I miss you, Bri.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

7 posted 2005-08-25 10:00 AM


the imagry attracks the senses, in this I see a courage, to reject fear and cut right to the chase...well done
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
8 posted 2005-08-25 10:45 AM


As always. you pile it on the plate!

Seems to be a lot to chew on here, Bro

I'll see ya in a couple hours and you can cut it up into bite-size pieces for me

*grin*

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2005-08-25 01:28 PM


Ed? Be sure to ask for the sauce on the side.

and mmmmmmmmmmmmmm stretch...inhale. and bri?

you knew I'd love this:

"RINSE
SMILE           (Still Life With Unripe Persimmons)"

sorta like this?

thank you bri



Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
10 posted 2005-08-25 01:57 PM


I feel like my plate is loaded here Bri, but in a good way.  I will get a certain mango mama to splain some to me, but I loved the images in this, even if they are MY interpretation and probably not yours.  Lots of layers in this.  The sequence where you speak of the moon is absolutely AWESOME!

Saved it as an exercise in "what is he saying anyway?" but loved the images. LOL, and I know someone who can help me at least figure out the parts I missed.

SO good to see old names in here for a change.  Thanks for the post!


"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero" ~ Horace
"Live Like You Were Dying" ~ Tim McGraw

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
11 posted 2005-08-25 09:16 PM


unripe persimmons staring back? LOL
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
12 posted 2005-08-26 12:20 PM


"put ache to floor
        get ready for
another
        greasy
                  drone
grind toothbrush
        to bone

RINSE
SMILE           (Still Life With Unripe Persimmons"

Hi Brian...It's really good to read you again.  Don't be such a stranger, ok??  

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2005-08-26 12:23 PM


and you--

this!!!

a critical mass:

" --that stroke
                      of black and white
                   rendering one side
                      useless--"

the words alone are illustrative enough to evoke my total envy, but you, my sculptor constructed the meaning, using the poetic form to convey your brilliant intent.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(you are brilliant, bri.)

*kissyereyes*

Some day, you will teach me how to BUILD poetry?

amazing you...


Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
14 posted 2005-08-26 10:43 AM


I loved the still life with unripe persimmons reference.  And the 'put ache to floor' ---you have the best images in this one.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

15 posted 2005-08-26 11:11 AM


lulled
    awake     by
         the classics
                          --that stroke
                      of black and white
                   rendering one side
                      useless--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            the morning
wrings her hands
    I am the troubled child
grown bland
               turning away from
          imploring
        cloudy sun
my duty's shoulders shielding

                        --I remember the moon
                               duty free
                          saturday's skin full
                               of silver--
face the rain resigned
     supplicate to the random
anxieties
          filling every pore
                
  it's amazing the way
this thorn is ignored --
                 a barn of sharp tools
                   trunks full of old skins

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Bri...always a treat to walk in your poetic mind...
so much to see here...love the imagery, personifications and symbols you use to create this unfolding of inner exploration...

the morning
wrings her hands
    I am the troubled child
grown bland


how very cool is that verse and personifi

and then there is something you did in this that made me smile at how well and subtely you did it....

saturday's skin full
                               of silver--
face the rain resigned
     supplicate to the random
anxieties
          filling every pore
                
  it's amazing the way
this thorn is ignored --
a barn of sharp tools
                   trunks full of old skins


hints of rhyme and sprinkles of alliterations created the delightful assonance of this write.

way cool poet sir.


I'll bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out ...
But I want you to remember my name

Alanis

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
16 posted 2005-08-26 12:45 PM


I got it with a little help from my friend Awesome Bri, awesome!  You met that challenge well.
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