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Open Poetry #36
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Trying On Pride..if only
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Trying On Pride..if only |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines 
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It's all my fault, once again to hear the blame... thirty years gone by now 35, and the internet is the reason so he says. So I pack up his thoughts tonight trying to stuff it all in, having to sit on it awhile before it closes enough to lock it... handing him the key (in my mind) Each step forward, drawing me back again. Good news never enough, the bad always announcing itself to take me down until that anxiety builds and the stress makes me wonder why it is I am here... Good news overshadowed with unworthiness (a dig the only words that can slip through his lips) until the enraged inside of me begins... Flooding him with every feeling and thought held in for these years of hardship, and loneliness and back pedaling, wanting only to be freed from endless guilt, from the abandonment which of course I caused while staying home every night keeping company with words and feelings while he enjoyed his taste of preference in a smoke filled room, with flirty eyes and skirts of those always willing to console the unhappiness self-caused. More apart than ever for he stepped on toes that ache already from stumbling on a rocky path with boulders placed ahead by him just to remind me... I am always to blame... M "Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less." |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
More apart than ever for he stepped on toes that ache already from stumbling on a rocky path with boulders placed ahead by him just to remind me... I am always to blame... yanno, this is exactly what crosses my mind on many occassions, what I believe a lot of men/women don't understand... there comes a time in a relationship when you venture into the trust of someone's friendship, meaning, in confidence you share inner fears/battles lost and despair felt...and at that point in time, you wished they'd have walked away, if they were going to be so careless with that trust...cuz there are always others who don't care that they could be playing their games with, and yet, they stay and drain your soul for all it's worth? |
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Startime55 Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148Alberta, Canada |
Man oh man this poem felt so very familiar...Please remember, dear one...only those who are guilty themselves feel a need to blame someone else for their actions...he made the choices and you are not to blame for those...do not carry the weight of blame on your shoulders for they belong to him...*big big hugs* coming your way... |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
*just a note...still working on "freedom" good news.. being hired to start the school year out as a short term sub (my foot in the door) bad news..being told I would make more money working at Walmart...(why should he care) bad news Father-in-law not moving back from hospital to my barn after 25 years of living there "free" and "husband" having to find a way to pay to live back there by himself now without his father's help (taking those feelings out on me) good news...money from working to help me take those 2 courses I need to re certify for a full time job and security Bad news...for him when that happens...and of course he doesn't want me to be happy, probably, or to succeed. Anyway, it is a lot tougher to unload my past than I thought it would be. Thanks for reading my vent...I try hard not to argue with him about anything since we are co-dependent right now...but threats just get to me so I unleashed a few of my own. M |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
they always blame someone else, yaknow he knows what he should do to make things right, and he's not going to do it, so I say let him live without power and water maybe it will be a wake up call but you know I understand the situation...still, I wouldn't let his words get to you...you go on and live your life and make yourself into the person you want to be and get yourself where you want to be...nevermind him |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Maureen, my friend, I know how hard it is, butdon't take what your husband says to heart. Husbands always have to blame someone for their failures. And, it is usually the wife they blame. Also, they can't stand it if their spouse betters themselves. They want to keep you depending on them, or make you feel helpless. I could say so much, but I better stop. You vknow how to get in touch with me. I will always be there for you. Just tune him out.  |
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