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Open Poetry #36
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wranx
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since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2005-08-13 09:48 PM



I started this
Thinking I might have something to say

And maybe I do

But once again
Realize I don’t quite know how

Or how, to my liking

I find the inutterable
Impossible to couch in terms, poetic

And the idea
Of an undiluted, straight from the bottle, blurt

Too strong
And too sour

So, I’ll retire to watch the ravens, gleaming
Immaculate in their mourning suits
Gleaning the field of both corpse and corn

Resembling, not so much a murder of crows
As a jostling, bowing body of morticians

The swans are watching as well
But sidelong, and not attentive

They are reflecting, still and quiet
Mute, in their lamentation

© Copyright 2005 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
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1 posted 2005-08-13 11:50 PM


Ya know, Ed...I'm not there, but I feel like I am.  I'd like to hug you.  
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2005-08-14 12:31 PM


I find the inutterable
Impossible to couch in terms, poetic

And the idea
Of an undiluted, straight from the bottle, blurt

Too strong
And too sour

I've been sitting here all night, thinking I wanted to write, maybe even should write...
but nothing would come...and I can gaurantee if I did, it would be a straight from the bottle blurt....
so instead I will just tell you how much I enjoyed this and now I am glad that I didn't write.

I'm with Martie. a hug indeed sounds good.

yesterday is gone
tomorrow doesn't exist

iliana
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since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2005-08-14 01:05 AM


"So, I’ll retire to watch the ravens, gleaming
Immaculate in their mourning suits
Gleaning the field of both corpse and corn"

Wranx, it's like you get out the charcoals and begin to sketch...not really sure what art will come out...and then, there it is -- that perfect picture.  Every time!   ....jo

Mysteria
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4 posted 2005-08-14 01:41 AM




Your surroundings surely do suit you!

Dark Angel
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

5 posted 2005-08-14 05:42 AM


Wow Ed!

I felt like i was there too



Mxx

~i want for myself your trembling~

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2005-08-14 08:09 AM


You started it,
all right...

and quietly took us all in.

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
7 posted 2005-08-14 08:16 AM


"They are reflecting, still and quiet
Mute, in their lamentation"

sometimes somethings are so heavy, so great...that words cannot encompass them...
you captured that here

Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2005-08-14 08:17 AM


wranx,
It is a common cough, enjoyed.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2005-08-14 11:26 AM


and this is why you are poetic:

Resembling, not so much a murder of crows
As a jostling, bowing body of morticians


amazing lines, Eddie, the entire write and geez, I want to see out of YOUR window, mine just shows trees!

*grin*

(rather see with your eyes)

Ratleader
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Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
10 posted 2005-08-14 03:32 PM


No maybe about it, Ed. You do -- unquestionably, and always.

Ed

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Tiersdin
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since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
11 posted 2005-08-14 03:44 PM


How aptly titled, Ed.  Enjoyed from start to finish.

~tier

garysgirl
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Florida, USA
12 posted 2005-08-14 03:50 PM


Ed, I love the way you seemed to be able to "see" what
the ravens and the swans were thinking. And, I wish
I could just sit down and write something so poetic.
Your writing is amazing, Sir.
Hugs,


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2005-08-14 05:07 PM


The image of swans in mourning is one I'll not soon forget...

I read this last night just before I slept, and then I dreamed of fish swimming in the air.

Not sure if that's connected, but that makes two startling images.

I love this, and love you.

suthern
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Louisiana
14 posted 2005-08-15 03:23 PM


I started this
Thinking I might have something to say


I started reading
Knowing you always do. *S*

From the title through the last line... superb!

Bodger
Senior Member
since 2005-06-12
Posts 1260
Tolerance for a short time
15 posted 2005-08-16 06:32 PM


Excellent

Bodger

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2005-08-16 06:39 PM


Mysteria's artistic and poetic response to this reflective piece of fine writing, perfectly reflected my own response to your poem!

There is such depth to your writing, Ed!


Linda

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
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displaced
17 posted 2005-08-16 06:41 PM


this touches
Midnitesun
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Gaia
18 posted 2005-08-17 12:18 PM


dang, but you've seen some of my ravens
Paul Wilson
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19 posted 2005-08-17 01:07 AM


Wranx...I thought you said you didn't know how too say what you wanted too say WRONG
You said it so smooth and with style. Enjoyed...Paul

I on the other hand want too say so much but my mind just won't let it materialize.
It's like someone turns off the switch before I have time too focus and put together the thoughts I want to convey.


~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
20 posted 2005-08-17 09:15 AM


you are definitely ON THE BUS.
*grin*

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

21 posted 2005-08-17 10:12 AM


you have a grand way of capturing the images of your mind, and putting them down on paper for all of us to see...outstanding write!
Aenimal
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since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
22 posted 2005-11-23 11:01 AM


always a pleasure to read you
Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
23 posted 2005-11-23 11:08 AM


You can take a man out of nature, but the nature could never be taken out of a man such as yourself!

Poetry spills from thy quill whether thy illustrious mind is engaged or not.


Linda

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