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Jaime Fradera
Senior Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable

0 posted 2005-08-13 07:03 PM

For Startime55

Introduction:
the (K)aren character in this story is a dream figure.  As such, she walks beside me, yet also beside each of us.  She has unusual faculties. She is both personal to me, and personal to each of us who will take and need her.  (k)aren incarnates for me in body, yet at the same time is a universal archetypal numinous vision  possessing great beauty and raw, elemental power and love.
This is being posted for ST55 and for all who may have missed it last.

SC


I am back at the asylum,

But this time it worked out much better.

I'm having breakfast for the last day here.

S, a woman with me,

Who seems to be a girlfriend

Or a staff member at the place,

Urges me to hurry

Because they are waiting to perform

The graduation rite of passage,

And she is coming with me.

The ceremony is performed and I go home.

Back in Austin it is morning.

I am suddenly listening to music

With strangers at someone else's house.

K and her boyfriend m,

Both unknown to me, are there.

K is unusually attentive for a stranger.

She keeps asking do I need anything,

What music would I listen to,

And is the sound too loud, too soft, just right?

I am tired by the long trip from New York,

So I tell her I don't care

And that whatever she wants to do is fine.

But K seems not to notice

Doesn't seem to be deterred

By my weary indifference.

She keeps repeating the same questions ..

Am I sure that everything's okay? ...

I want to be left alone.

I just want to go home.

But someone else would have to drive me there,

And the strangers in this strange house won't.

It is night.

K takes me to a special church

Of which she is a member.

Inside the special church there is a secret sect

Of which she also is a part.

The secret sect

is to perform a sacred ceremony

at which K is to officiate.

The church is filled with solemn, silent people,

All dressed up in their finery.

The air is filled

With the smell of incense and of burning candles.

The atmosphere is one of reverence and of awe,

For the rites to be performed this night

Are holy.

Together, arm in arm,

K and I march slowly,

Reverentially, to a ceremonial altar.

When we have reached the front of the church

She leaves me, and the ceremony begins.

During the strange, mysterious ritual,

I start to realize

That the dream is coming to an end.

I interrupt the ritual by yelling to K

For her full name or her phone number,

Because I'm about to wake up,

So I can call her back

Once I have reached the other side.

But no one in the church

Can hear me except her,

And K is busy with some incantation,

And at first she just ignores me.

As the holy vision slips away

I call out ever more insistently, alarmingly,

For K's full name, for her telephone,

Because I'm waking up ...

I'm waking up ...

Finally K shouts back to me:

3 9 2 ... 3 9 2 ..

The prefix number

At a school I once attended.

This the entire congregation hears,

And the spell of ceremony is sharply broken,

And the church dissolves in incredulous confusion,

Because the sacred rites

Have been disrupted and profaned.

And then my line to K is gone.

But the wakening is false.

It is the next morning,

and although I am not there,

I can somehow hear the scene

In the office of K's supervisor.

As I float, weightless, formless,

Seeming to be nowhere in particular,

I hear K's boss

Call her in and tell her curtly

To turn over her keys and that,

Because of the sacrilege

She has committed in the church,

She is fired,

As well as kicked out of her office,

Kicked out of the special church

That meant so much to her,

The church

Of which she had been a member

For so long,

And before she can even complain about it,

She is dismissed.

I feel a wave of remorse.

She doesn't know

I was a witness to her firing,

But I'm sure she knows who's fault it was,

And I just hope to God

I will never, ever have

To encounter her again.

And then I'm at an unfamiliar university.

I wander aimlessly,

Unable to find where registration is.

Suddenly K is there with me.

She couldn't possibly have known that I would be here.

Without words being exchanged,

She indicates the way to me

And then is gone.

As I come out of registration,

K suddenly appears again,

With no words being exchanged,

She directs me

To the next point in the process and is gone.

Here there are three doors

Through which I have to pass.

I enter the first door,

And a barber is there

To shave me and to cut my hair.

I open the second door

Which reveals a tiny compartment

Where I'm supposed to leave my clothes.

The space is tight and cramped and stuffy.

I struggle to remove my clothes

Peeling off endless layers

Of sweaty, clinging fabric.

I let the mass of fabric

Fall tumbling to the floor.

And I am already very tired.

There is hardly enough space

To open the inner door,

And then I'm in a teeny tiny shower stall.

I fumble for the faucet

And do my best to bathe and dry myself,

But can't do much of anything

In the humid, stuffy space.

There isn't room to breathe,

No room to even dress myself.

Suddenly K is standing

With me in the shower.

She couldn't possibly have known

I would be in here.

I wish I somehow could get rid of her.

How could she have even gotten in here?

I don't want a stranger

To see me in this way,

Pitiful, unable to breathed,

Naked, drained,

Unable even to dress myself,

in this water-logged, suffocating crush.

Without saying a word

She helps me with the clothes,

Back through the double outer doors where I can breathe,

And then suddenly is gone.

I can breathe,

But I am also very hungry,

Having not eaten

Distracted by the day's ordeals.

Now, it is night.

I set off in one direction,

Then off in another,

But can not seem to find the cafeteria.

I bump into a computer.

It is already on

And set up with JAWS for Windows.

It is connected to a "chat room,"

And I can somehow hear

The voices of people in the chat.

I know I won't be using it

And decide to turn it off,

But I have to close

A multitude of pages

Until it finally powers out.

And then, suddenly K is there ... again,

And I cringe.

She is wanting to say something,

wanting to know something.

Without words being exchanged,

I know what she is thinking ...

How she is out of work and out of money,

And has to find another place to live.

And I know what she's about to say----

That I lied when I told her I was waking,

That I was disrespectful of her,

Of the ceremonial mystery

Through which she wanted to initiate me,

That because, because of me

She was now stripped of all that meant so much to her,

And that now she stood at the edge of destitution

And homeless desperation,

And it was all because I didn't care,  ...

Then K takes my hand.

Quietly, silently,

As though by telepathic transfer,

She tells me that I could not

Have lied to her about awakening,

Because I had only told her

What I had thought to be the truth.

She tells me I could never have broken ceremony

In the church,

Because no one in the room except herself

Could hear or see me.

And she tells me

That even at times

When I must live

In the separate world of Wakefulness,

She will never be more

Than a heartbeat away,

And it will be at night that she will beckon

And in my Sleep,

That she will come to be with me.

Now I understand the pointlessness

Of trying to get rid of her.

She passes through walls

And security gates and through locked doors

As though she were some spirit being,

Even when no one else

Can see or hear her except me.

It is in silence that we say these things,

Without speaking

That we somehow know these things,

And we embrace ...

She doesn't know where the chow hall might be either.

But we'll look for it together.

And then I wake, in tears,

For real this time,

And remind myself again

That for as long as I am living

I will never be alone.

And so,
as I embark upon this latest venture,
and even should the whole world go to hell,
someone else is always with me ...

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2005-08-14 01:46 AM

Then perhaps, as a fantasy ideal, she is muse, guardian angel, dream catcher, lover, soulmate, and friend, all wrapped up into one.
Hugs to you, amigo, that's quite a dream post!

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

2 posted 2005-08-14 10:53 AM

What can I say, my friend, except WOW!!! This is a very amazing and very complicated dream...Thank you for the wonderful compliment...*big big hugs*

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