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Open Poetry #36
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Don_Juan
Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2005-07-22 03:04 AM



I saw her standing there
upon the dingy green carpet
that has dwelled in this basement for so long
I saw her through a frame of drums
dented jet black toms
and a cymbal that gleamed half spectrums
only to accent her radiant presence
she wore pink jogging shorts and a loose t-shirt
her legs looked magnificant
her cheeks and forehead were rosy
and her hair was quite frizzy
she looked perfect
to this day
i don't know why she stopped by
but i'm so glad she did.

(A mental picture of a friend of mine kept coming into view as i attempted to get some rest a few moments ago. I just had to write it down. Bear with the poem, it was a spur of the moment write.)

nice use of muffin



© Copyright 2005 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2005-07-22 06:50 AM



It's not so bad when such friends,
even mentally
create such a moment.

I enjoyed the visuals!

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
2 posted 2005-07-22 06:52 AM


Enjoyed sharing your memory~
So do You Play Drums?

~ARH

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the moments that take our breath away."

Don_Juan
Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252
Far from where I am going
3 posted 2005-07-22 01:09 PM


Thank you both for stopping by and taking a look at the poem. My friend definitely has an impact on people giving them many memories. Oh, and yes, I do play the drums. I am both a marching drum and drum set player.

Thanks again
-John

nice use of muffin



Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2005-07-22 05:45 PM


cool imagery write
I saw her...in pink, smiling at you

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
5 posted 2005-07-23 12:55 PM


for a spur-of-the-moment write, this was rather good perhaps for a more complete poem, you can include how this surprise encounter did to you. how did you feel when you saw her? were you watching her unnoticed?

i like the whimsical quality at the end

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2005-07-23 10:04 PM


thanks so much for the glimpse into your mind's photo album.

Nicely written, and I could certainly see her--there are moments made holy just by our awareness and you have portrayed such a moment here.

Much enjoyed.

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
7 posted 2005-07-24 12:07 PM


I liked this alot.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

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