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evomx5
Member

since 2005-07-11

Posts 52
Atlanta, GA

0 posted 2005-07-19 10:15 AM

The fire’s embers softly burned
While for sleep, my body yearned
But to nap, I do disdain
For I will dream of her again

Her, with eyes that sparkle brightly
Cut you down to size, politely
Cheeks of rose and flaxen hair
Give men cause to stop and stare

Her, with all her pleasant charms
That beguiles and then disarms
Brings the strongest man to knees
The beauty of her is all he sees

Her, who captured my heart and soul
Emotions that I can’t control
Have left me bound and weak of thought
Useless to the life I sought

So, I dare not sleep, for in my dreams
I will hear my own heart’s screams
Screams that take away my breath
And, I fear, will be my death.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2005-07-19 10:29 AM

That was a terrific write! So much so that I am taking the time to address a little discrepancy.

Might I make a suggestion? I do believe that the title "Her" should be "She". i.e.
"Her, with eyes that sparkle brightly
Cut you down to size, politely"
(Her cut you)

~ She, with eyes that sparkle brightly
cuts you down to size, politely
(She cuts you...)

I truly enjoyed your poem! ~ the rhyme, rhythm and vividly descriptive writing!

Love & Light,
Earth Angel

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2005-07-19 11:40 AM

I like this very much

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2005-07-19 01:31 PM

Very nice. You always tell it as if it were a story and I love stories!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

4 posted 2005-07-19 02:00 PM

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...........

cute

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2005-07-19 03:16 PM

wow...what a write

much enjoyed

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2005-07-19 05:24 PM

*smile*

I believe this is the first time I've read you, and I very much enjoyed.

Great flow, and a sweet tribute to love.

I'll be reading you again.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2005-07-19 05:59 PM

fantastic writing...and I agree with earth angel...as I was reading this, my mind kept thinking "She"....James

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