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Open Poetry #36
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Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2005-07-10 03:14 PM



Unsheathed

From hard woods dark, desolate
Come to how hearts slowly die

Naked, one bleeds upon slate
While the other lies nigh
Unable to wash their mate
Of tears they did not dry

Dull thy sword so create
Not the pain that makes us cry

For I believe not our fate
So pathetic to deny
Safety in a place and state

And tell me not what makes one great
To cut with an unsheathed sword!

-Juju


Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;


I went back to this poem and relized thatit might be confused as a sonnet.  I didn't mean it to be a sonnet. I may have messed up on the old english so if any one has pointers please tell me.  This is not personal, more global.  I just look at the world and it makes me sick.  I don't know.  I think I messed up on the second line I maybe should of done a play on words there to, because the flow doesn't seem right. I will think about it more.

[This message has been edited by Juju (07-10-2005 06:00 PM).]

© Copyright 2005 Juju - All Rights Reserved
youcan'tseeme
Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 88

1 posted 2005-07-10 03:20 PM


nice write
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
2 posted 2005-07-10 03:22 PM


Thank you,

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2005-07-10 07:19 PM


So true, Juju.   Good write.
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
4 posted 2005-07-11 03:06 PM


thank you,

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

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