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Open Poetry #35
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2005-06-25 08:13 PM



i tried counting clouds once
stood there looking up at that sky
all sweaty-faced
pointing a finger at each one as i counted.
one, two, three....sixteen, seventeen
but the clouds would not hold still
they kept movin', changin'
dissapatin',disappearin' there before my eyes.
one minute there, next minute gone
you know how it is...
it was too hard keepin' track.

how can you count something that
won't stay in one place?
i watched an elephant turn into a horse
turn into a dog turn into a mouse
and....gone.

where do clouds go when they die?
they move around like little puffs of smoke
at the mercy of the wind?
or do they all come together someplace else?
all i know is, to me, they're gone.
saw a castle up there for a minute
fat, billowy towers , tall one right in the middle.
i looked for the princess in the window but she wasn't there.
didn't last though..
started breaking up before i could even count it.
i screamed out, "Don't go, girl!!" but clouds
don't pay attention to pathetic voices like mine.
they got their own agenda, i suppose.

thought i saw your face for a minute
but it was just smoke havin' fun with me.
so there i stood, face wet with sweat
too dumb to even realize
that man don't sweat in december
counting clouds that won't hold still
and watching them go away

© Copyright 2005 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
1 posted 2005-06-25 08:44 PM


Geez, now you've done it with this beautiful non rhyming verse, I'll be thinking of you forever and ever when I see clouds drifting by.


I don't know where they go
The clouds that one can't count
Are they disappearing in thin air
to pop up again somewhere else?
Write your name in one and who knows
It might drift my way to say hello
Just for fun
Don't know where the clouds disappear to
All I know is that every cloud
Will carry your beautiful words
in non rhyming verse
to hearts unknown


Thank you my friend for sharing your gift.

Titia


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2005-06-25 08:50 PM


"man don't sweat in december"

then woman is doing something wrong.



chuckle?

"I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down and still somehow
it's cloud illusions I recall..."

we really don't know clouds at all.



Lucky for us, there is a skyfull, for all of them, yes?



from student to master, love ya Mike

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2005-06-25 09:16 PM


Mike

"where do clouds go when they die?"  I asked this same question about butterflies once.  

I'm impressed with this free verse....very!!


iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2005-06-25 09:23 PM


Loved this, Balladeer!   ....jo
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

5 posted 2005-06-25 09:42 PM


man don't sweat in december

They do in Oz...heh

enjoyed your freeverse m'deer

mxx

Oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
~Sarah McLachlan~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
6 posted 2005-06-26 12:33 PM


Balladeer
Clouds are like the mist of the mind, they come and go.

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
7 posted 2005-06-26 01:24 AM


I was just cloud watching the other day...haven't had a chance to do that for a while and I sure enjoyed it, and i enjoyed this very much
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
8 posted 2005-06-26 02:00 AM


'Deer darling man, there you see, you think you know someones free verse, and you find that you don't at all. This is something rather special, I particularly love the imagery within this, the internal thoughts are just so good. YOU do write well you know, actually you write extremely well, but I don't like to say it too often because otherwise you might stop writing, and I'd never want that.

Men don't sweat in December?
They do sometimes, if I play my cards right.....................

Now, people I don't know what you're thinking but I mean they do if they carry the Christmas shopping. No truly I meant that, I'm just an innocent you know, well innocent ish.

Always a pleasure to read your divine words darling man, and this is superb

Love and warm mushy stuff
as always
Mushy

Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds
but I can face the future with courage brave and bold

Footprints In My Heart
Kethry

Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
9 posted 2005-06-26 04:41 PM


I like the unstructured narrative.  It was easy to read and felt natural.  Wasn't getting the 'man don't sweat' part at first, but that's ok.  The kid inside keeps tabs.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
10 posted 2005-06-26 11:27 PM


Ah, Titia, that's right...you are the cloud queen!!   Thanks for such a beautiful picture.

serenity gal...lucky indeed. We've got bright clouds, dark clouds, clouds with silver linings, sunshine on a cloudy day...you name it. No sweat..

Martie...thank you..it ain't easy for me! Where do butterflies go when they die? To the Cater Pillars!

iliana...thanks for reading. I appreciate it!

Dark Angel...I'm sure all is possible in Oz! Thanks for the high praise from the queen of free verse!!!

Seymour...and ruin a lot of golf games!!

SEA...it can be very calming, can't it?

Marsha...your innocence is always on display....an inspiration to us all!!!

Alicat..seems not a lot of people got that line...better stick to my rhymes!! Thanks, pal...

Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980
Ca
11 posted 2005-06-27 01:10 PM


I am totally loving this.....
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

12 posted 2005-06-27 01:45 PM


this was delightful, although, for a sweaty face, cut hands under cold running water, and splash the heck outa your face....all will be well, and if that fails, get wify to tap you a little on the cheek...ahhhh, forget that, she might wind up and come in for the kill?????  I dunno?

hehe

Enjoyed this

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

13 posted 2005-06-27 02:29 PM


beautiful write.......clouds...who would have thought they could say so much under your pen?
Startime55
Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada
14 posted 2005-06-27 02:34 PM


Wonderful writing..but then the Deer could do no less...Where do clouds go when they die?...Why, you know...I don't believe they die...they just move from place to place changing their magical shape to suit the eyes of all who try to count them....**Big Hugs**

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
15 posted 2005-06-27 02:49 PM



You always save the best punch
for last...

Excellent work, Balladeer...

thank you for this!

TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
16 posted 2008-01-08 11:07 PM


Beautiful
you shall write a children's book!

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