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Passions in Poetry

Counting Clouds

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 06-25-2005 08:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


i tried counting clouds once
stood there looking up at that sky
all sweaty-faced
pointing a finger at each one as i counted.
one, two, three....sixteen, seventeen
but the clouds would not hold still
they kept movin', changin'
dissapatin',disappearin' there before my eyes.
one minute there, next minute gone
you know how it is...
it was too hard keepin' track.

how can you count something that
won't stay in one place?
i watched an elephant turn into a horse
turn into a dog turn into a mouse
and....gone.

where do clouds go when they die?
they move around like little puffs of smoke
at the mercy of the wind?
or do they all come together someplace else?
all i know is, to me, they're gone.
saw a castle up there for a minute
fat, billowy towers , tall one right in the middle.
i looked for the princess in the window but she wasn't there.
didn't last though..
started breaking up before i could even count it.
i screamed out, "Don't go, girl!!" but clouds
don't pay attention to pathetic voices like mine.
they got their own agenda, i suppose.

thought i saw your face for a minute
but it was just smoke havin' fun with me.
so there i stood, face wet with sweat
too dumb to even realize
that man don't sweat in december
counting clouds that won't hold still
and watching them go away
© Copyright 2005 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 05-07-2001
Posts 5297
Netherlands


1 posted 06-25-2005 08:44 PM       View Profile for Titia Geertman   Email Titia Geertman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Titia Geertman's Home Page   View IP for Titia Geertman

Geez, now you've done it with this beautiful non rhyming verse, I'll be thinking of you forever and ever when I see clouds drifting by.


I don't know where they go
The clouds that one can't count
Are they disappearing in thin air
to pop up again somewhere else?
Write your name in one and who knows
It might drift my way to say hello
Just for fun
Don't know where the clouds disappear to
All I know is that every cloud
Will carry your beautiful words
in non rhyming verse
to hearts unknown


Thank you my friend for sharing your gift.

Titia

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 06-25-2005 08:50 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"man don't sweat in december"

then woman is doing something wrong.



chuckle?

"I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down and still somehow
it's cloud illusions I recall..."

we really don't know clouds at all.



Lucky for us, there is a skyfull, for all of them, yes?



from student to master, love ya Mike
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


3 posted 06-25-2005 09:16 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Mike

"where do clouds go when they die?"  I asked this same question about butterflies once.  

I'm impressed with this free verse....very!!

iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


4 posted 06-25-2005 09:23 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Loved this, Balladeer!   ....jo
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


5 posted 06-25-2005 09:42 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

man don't sweat in december

They do in Oz...heh

enjoyed your freeverse m'deer

mxx

Oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
~Sarah McLachlan~

Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 06-26-2005 12:33 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Balladeer
Clouds are like the mist of the mind, they come and go.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


7 posted 06-26-2005 01:24 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I was just cloud watching the other day...haven't had a chance to do that for a while and I sure enjoyed it, and i enjoyed this very much
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 07-10-2000
Posts 7542
Maidstone Kent England


8 posted 06-26-2005 02:00 AM       View Profile for Marsha   Email Marsha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marsha's Home Page   View IP for Marsha

'Deer darling man, there you see, you think you know someones free verse, and you find that you don't at all. This is something rather special, I particularly love the imagery within this, the internal thoughts are just so good. YOU do write well you know, actually you write extremely well, but I don't like to say it too often because otherwise you might stop writing, and I'd never want that.

Men don't sweat in December?
They do sometimes, if I play my cards right.....................

Now, people I don't know what you're thinking but I mean they do if they carry the Christmas shopping. No truly I meant that, I'm just an innocent you know, well innocent ish.

Always a pleasure to read your divine words darling man, and this is superb

Love and warm mushy stuff
as always
Mushy

Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds
but I can face the future with courage brave and bold

Footprints In My Heart
Kethry

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


9 posted 06-26-2005 04:41 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

I like the unstructured narrative.  It was easy to read and felt natural.  Wasn't getting the 'man don't sweat' part at first, but that's ok.  The kid inside keeps tabs.
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


10 posted 06-26-2005 11:27 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ah, Titia, that's right...you are the cloud queen!!   Thanks for such a beautiful picture.

serenity gal...lucky indeed. We've got bright clouds, dark clouds, clouds with silver linings, sunshine on a cloudy day...you name it. No sweat..

Martie...thank you..it ain't easy for me! Where do butterflies go when they die? To the Cater Pillars!

iliana...thanks for reading. I appreciate it!

Dark Angel...I'm sure all is possible in Oz! Thanks for the high praise from the queen of free verse!!!

Seymour...and ruin a lot of golf games!!

SEA...it can be very calming, can't it?

Marsha...your innocence is always on display....an inspiration to us all!!!

Alicat..seems not a lot of people got that line...better stick to my rhymes!! Thanks, pal...
Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


11 posted 06-27-2005 01:10 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

I am totally loving this.....
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


12 posted 06-27-2005 01:45 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

this was delightful, although, for a sweaty face, cut hands under cold running water, and splash the heck outa your face....all will be well, and if that fails, get wify to tap you a little on the cheek...ahhhh, forget that, she might wind up and come in for the kill?????  I dunno?

hehe

Enjoyed this
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 10-13-2000
Posts 2347


13 posted 06-27-2005 02:29 PM       View Profile for jellybeans   Email jellybeans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jellybeans

beautiful write.......clouds...who would have thought they could say so much under your pen?
Startime55
Member Elite
since 04-05-2003
Posts 2182
Alberta, Canada


14 posted 06-27-2005 02:34 PM       View Profile for Startime55   Email Startime55   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Startime55

Wonderful writing..but then the Deer could do no less...Where do clouds go when they die?...Why, you know...I don't believe they die...they just move from place to place changing their magical shape to suit the eyes of all who try to count them....**Big Hugs**
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


15 posted 06-27-2005 02:49 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


You always save the best punch
for last...

Excellent work, Balladeer...

thank you for this!
TomMark
Member Elite
since 07-27-2007
Posts 2111
LA,CA


16 posted 01-08-2008 11:07 PM       View Profile for TomMark   Email TomMark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for TomMark

Beautiful
you shall write a children's book!
 
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