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Open Poetry #35
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LenMcC1
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68


0 posted 2005-06-08 11:23 PM


- I'm in a band and this is a song we just wrote, hence the repeating stanza.


I hear you’re leaving for a visit out west
The place we met and I was my best
Where my mind was so focused and so free
I saw my future there and she saw me

It’s been a while since her eyes have seen mine
I wonder if her hair still frizzes and shines
I wonder if her smile is still bright every time
I wonder if she’s learned it’s okay to cry

So if some time you’re traveling out west
And you see her, give her my best
Tell her I miss her and her touch
With emotion say I dream of us
But our way was always so cold
So better yet, just say hello

When you get back tell me how she looks
Are her lips still smooth and sensitive to the touch?
Does she still live worried and carefree?
Did she happen to mention me?

There was a time when we were so close
I hope her memories of us are still bold
So if you visit her sometime could you see
And if she’s cold give her a blanket from me

So if sometime you’re traveling out west
And you see her, give her my best
Tell her I miss her and her touch
Tell her with emotion I dream of us
But I guess our way was so cold
So better yet, just say hello

© Copyright 2005 LenMcC1 - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2005-06-08 11:45 PM


LenMc

Nice rhythm and story...I could almost hear the melody.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2005-06-09 12:20 PM



I can only imagine how wonderful this must sound as a song sung by your band!

Enjoyed the story and the rhythm of the write.

Peace, Love & Harmony,
EA

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2005-06-09 12:28 PM


Some nice lines...James
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2005-06-09 01:27 AM


really really liked the feel of this...I bet it's awesome to music...
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2005-06-09 04:00 AM


cool song here
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