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Open Poetry #35
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serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2005-05-08 04:19 AM


"Words I wished he'd said--part I"


"For being there when I was not,
for saying I was not all bad,
for being with me anyway
giving what I'd never had
for understanding clumsiness
of all of my emotions clutzed
for saying that it is okay
when I know that it was wrong
to even ask if it's alright
for listening to off-key songs
on those karoake nights
and cakes and omelets and roasts
and those little tin foil boats
you used to make just for the kids
so that they'd sit long enough
in the tub and how'd you sing
so they never noticed that
sometimes scrubbing clean can sting--
for hours of the Disney dreams
Beauty and the Beast and green
clover on the floor each year
every Easter and the clear
lights you placed upon the tree
saying it's enough to see
the colors of reflection there--
as the bulbs would turn because
you bought the hangers that I'd said
were much too much expensive but
you were right, they hung in air
like magick dripping crystaline
and then the baths for me prepared
with petals of the rose and salt
and musk with minerals you gave
my back a fine rub and forgave
the fact that I did not return
not a single favored lave--
how you gave my Daddy grave
when I was--well, when I could not.

I'll bet you think that I forgot
how you look naked on the bed
brushing out my fingerknots
and all the things I wish I'd said
but you looked so beautiful
I thought my voice would ruin it
So I never said a word
but watched you brushing out your hair
smiling when you caught my stare--
I really thought you understood
that I was counting lucky stars
I wish that I had said all this
instead of leaving all the scars

that haunt so much that you'd write this--"


*  *  *


Words I wrote because it hurts--Part II


Words that you would like to hear
or wordlessness within a kiss
or something very near to it
that would fill your emptiness.

"Happy Mother's Day, My Wife"
Words I write to self tonight
knowing that tomorrow brings
another day of nothingness
and all the lies I told myself
are just another sucker punch
leaving bruises no one sees
and nothing makes this ever right...

Remember that you chose and don't -
I place my fingers on your lips -
make excuses for your choice
when every single day is this.


*  *  *


Words because there's not enough--Part III


Today, yanno, it's mother's day.
I am blessed to have one still.
So I'll bring a glass posie--
because my father always did
cut flowers watered with his sweat
and though I know I can't compete
my mother's going to feel some pain
for all those places of absence,
amputeed--and rivers etched
underneath her eyes in stain
of all the tears my mother wept
but I'll be damned if I'll refrain
from love because it hurts.
If there's nothing else I learn
from you -
it will be that.

So have a nice day at the game.
Ignorance
it must be bliss
'cause you look pretty happy but
You never really had much sense.

You should have written this...
but then?

You know how much I hate pretense,
So the fact that you did not
makes you just more honest than
my simple needs dictate today.

Now

demands a fire and
I have things that yearn to be
ashes in the morn
you'll see

some day you'll wake and feel it too
and "sorry"
well
it just don't do
standing at the grave alone
knowing that they close at dusk
and that is when you'll feel the need
as lonely gains important lust
fingering the stone
the name
a family that I gave you once
autographed

in slate.

Happy Mother's Day.



© Copyright 2005 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
garysgirl
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since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
1 posted 2005-05-08 04:44 AM


Oh my goodness, Karen....so much in this that I can relate to.

And, "he" will never say it, because he's dead. and even if he wasn't....he is long dead to me and my heart.

You are so real, SereneOne.

And, Karen, Happy Mother's Day, Sweetie.
Hugs,  
Ethel

MGROVES
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Member Elite
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802
california
2 posted 2005-05-08 05:08 AM


happy mothers day~
i understand this one~ was there too long with same~

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
3 posted 2005-05-08 08:00 AM


You amaze me, you know that? Seriously, you do. Any one of these could stand perfectly fine alone. But together they pack a powerful punch. And, you know me, its that last one that brings it home.

Well I'm not much into believing in happy days, I will say that I hope the day goes okay. I hope you can be surprised by how well it goes. And if not? Well, we're still here...



Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
4 posted 2005-05-08 08:27 AM


just

and for knowing... although I am no one's Mother ( as I told one of the 1rst graders the other week when they asked whose mother I was ( seems sometimes  when needed they use Mothers for subs even if not  degreed)

kayjay
Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
5 posted 2005-05-08 10:03 AM


I wonder how many do offer Happy Mother's Day because "it is something one does" rather than that the wish is truly felt.  Great writing.  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
6 posted 2005-05-08 10:24 AM


Sis, this here is angst mixed with bittersweet absinthe.  Have another drink on me. *chuckle*  Seriously, sis, this kicks bootay!
latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
7 posted 2005-05-08 12:12 PM


Serinity, Again you just amaze me. Not much I know how to say except,I am still and I guess will always be in awe of your talent to express yourself the way others just wish they could. Thank you for sharing. martyjo
Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
8 posted 2005-05-08 12:21 PM


You truly do amaze me but I suppose that won't help today, some c'mere will ya?

The last stanza Karen, I hate to say is about all the justice one gets in all this.

Go buy something (works for me.)

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2005-05-08 12:31 PM



Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
10 posted 2005-05-08 12:35 PM


sniffing here, can't even write a decent reply this morning, but want you to know,
I am hugging your muse

timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
11 posted 2005-05-08 12:42 PM


Dayum... that was AWESOME my sister....

I am speechless here, which should say everything as I am southern and always have SOMETHING to say !!

You are beautiful and this write just prooves that !!

     

One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
~Simone de Beauvoir~

timothysangel1973
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Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
12 posted 2005-05-09 02:52 AM


Had to read it one more time.

I may hate myself in the morning - but I'm gonna love you tonight
-Lee Ann Womack

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2005-05-09 07:46 AM


serenity,
Your point has caught the wind and touched me.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
14 posted 2005-05-09 08:50 AM


"some day you'll wake and feel it too
and "sorry"
well
it just don't do"

Your ability to let us view the wounds is astonishing...

Sometimes acceptance of what will never be is sweet relief.

love you lady.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
15 posted 2005-05-09 09:01 AM


I've been over this
several times...

you write heart, dear...

quote:
and all the lies I told myself
are just another sucker punch
leaving bruises no one sees
and nothing makes this ever right...


Love,

the other K

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
16 posted 2005-05-09 03:35 PM



""Happy Mother's Day, My Wife"
Words I write to self tonight
knowing that tomorrow brings
another day of nothingness
and all the lies I told myself
are just another sucker punch
leaving bruises no one sees
and nothing makes this ever right..."

______________________

Feeling the 'punch' of this, Karen...

and just hugging you...

I love you...

adagio
Member
since 2005-03-19
Posts 449
Marrero, La.
17 posted 2005-05-09 04:07 PM


Very beautifully written.smiles and hugs
    adagio

timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
18 posted 2005-05-09 04:58 PM


Just came back to add to the library !!

I may hate myself in the morning - but I'm gonna love you tonight
-Lee Ann Womack

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

19 posted 2005-05-09 07:23 PM


"we all have wings, but some of us don't know why"

Michael Hutchence (INXS)

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

20 posted 2005-05-09 08:19 PM


just know I'm huggin you....
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
21 posted 2005-05-09 10:41 PM


somehow I just don't think being a great writer is much of a consolation prize.

but, urock...urock... urock


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

22 posted 2005-05-10 08:51 AM


I read this back when first posted and have read it several times since...it has stayed with me...haunting and impressing...whcih speaks to the power of your writing...

So many lines in this struck....some like a kick in the chest...some like a train...
but this line.....
this line shines with a thousand points of light...


but I'll be damned if I'll refrain
from love because it hurts.



moth anthem baby....


and? Rebs right... you rock.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

23 posted 2005-05-10 08:59 AM


but you looked so beautiful
I thought my voice would ruin it
So I never said a word

yeah babe, know this feeling well...it's a peace beyond words...like an out of body experience....


damn girl, doesn't get any better then this, just when I think you've gone and topped the last poem you wrote, you write another that defys gravity....this was amazingly bittersweet...full of all emotions...which IS love...this would touch the hearts of skeptics...

Hugs

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

24 posted 2005-05-10 03:13 PM


I envy your ability to 'feel' to such depth that your poetry bring the reader into the  pain with you.....but I do not envy your pain...you have much to bear lady....sigh
I have chosen numb over pain, but novacain does not write good poetry....sometimes I think it is not a great swap......

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

25 posted 2005-05-10 09:12 PM


well, all in all, the day pretty much sucked.

Except the part I spent with my mom.

THAT was really nice.

and thank you for reading.

And smile, This time? Local Rebel gets a kiss.

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
26 posted 2005-05-11 01:15 PM


but I'll be damned if I'll refrain
from love because it hurts.

I took a deep breath before starting this... for the title told me to expect power... and you didn't disappoint... That breath was much needed for no more were taken for a while.

Painful... powerful... penetrating... No one can read this without feeling... no one can feel without being drawn back to the read.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

27 posted 2005-05-11 01:35 PM


as suthern said, one feels drawn to come back to read this....
it touches, deeply Karen.

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
let me dig a little deeper
nah, still nothing~
my give a DAMN is busted. Jodee

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
28 posted 2005-05-11 02:13 PM


That was well done.  It was very well done.


-JUju

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