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Open Poetry #35
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wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2005-05-07 11:43 AM



I hear she’s moving

She’s already moved up, some
And moved on, a bit more

And now, I hear she’s moving out
Away from that little apartment on the South side

A space so small
She couldn’t help, but find herself there

A place for her to “become”
not unlike a cocoon

A place, where once, a young man
“A boy who would be king”

Chiseled away my likeness from the statuary there
And attempted his temple from the stones of my tomb

Though, I can’t say I blame him, she is a singular woman
And I was

Already dead, after all
Just unaware of my demise and still slightly warm

And now she is moving away from that kitchen window
Where she would stand with her tea

And gaze outside at the world unfolding before her
Beckoning her out, urging her on

Past the parking lot where, one winter, her young son
Would bend, and draw with a small hot mitten

A picture of the three of us standing together
Burned through the snow, the asphalt and down

To the core of the world, where even now
If you were to look closely, you’d see our portrait

Etched into bedrock, rendered in stick figures

© Copyright 2005 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved
Startime55
Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada
1 posted 2005-05-07 11:47 AM


I feel a vision of loss in these words that touch the heart...as a heart moves on...

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
2 posted 2005-05-07 02:18 PM


No matter where my body lie
or my soul escapes to,
that etching, eternal
is a portrait
inked upon my heart
as your soul has always been
entwined with my very own.

There has never been one moment
when you were lost from my heart,
nor a time when
the caverns of your gaze
have ever disappeared from my sight.

I can still see them now.

My hand, raises slightly
as I close my eyes to touch your face
and there you are
in front of me.

I talk to you, did you know this?

Because it does not matter
where one goes or how far
or whom with.

It is I, woman
who was created with you
and you, man
who rediscovered himself
by my side.

There will always be a window
and I shall always gaze from it

for you.

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
3 posted 2005-05-07 03:37 PM


Geez, I just "put on my eyes" too. OMG, this was just too touching for words.
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
4 posted 2005-05-07 04:05 PM


And I was

Already dead, after all
Just unaware of my demise and still slightly warm


those lines..ugh

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2005-05-07 05:33 PM


wow wranx...

awesome!

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2005-05-07 10:54 PM


"It is I, woman
who was created with you
and you, man
who rediscovered himself
by my side.

There will always be a window
and I shall always gaze from it

for you."

*smiling*

Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
7 posted 2005-05-11 12:27 PM


Love simply is, Ed, and it is always....as you know. The beautiful indelible instants, the impromptu bits of time and caring, whether worshiping as if she were temple or hiding behind the open door you've opened for her to come in.....they are love, and they are always.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
8 posted 2005-05-11 12:50 PM


or love is like instances of the flavourful amid the mundane...


Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

9 posted 2005-05-11 08:39 AM


This is deeply moving and touching Ed.  Very well written sir.  
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
10 posted 2005-05-11 08:47 AM



Now...

now I have to go find
some tissues...

there are some loves
that are just meant...


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
11 posted 2005-05-11 09:06 AM


Some loves.. most loves..
transcend time and space.
Well done ..very well done!

Life is one great big canvas;
throw all the paint on it you can.
                    -Danny Kaye

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

12 posted 2005-05-11 09:30 AM


I think, when two are in such love as this...and it does take the two, with the same feelings for each other, that this love is the almight stamp...given in proof of what the world could be...it is endless, infinant, driven into spirit wings...which take us beyond...even when we depart and step over into another dimension...that love is the miracle of life...just as is birth...

Wonderful poem and adored the reply...

Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2005-05-11 10:12 AM


Amazing!!!  
Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
14 posted 2005-05-11 10:35 AM


DANG !!

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.
~Carl Sandburg

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 2005-05-11 01:26 PM


When there's love enough, it trancends time... and place... and is forever... everywhere.

This is incredible... goes straight to the heart!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

16 posted 2005-05-11 07:45 PM


Look at me, yeti? (Holding your chin in my hands, looking at you sternly)

Do you know that you are beautiful?

(I wish you knew how hard my fingers hit the keys typing that--as if, if I typed it harder, you'd believe it.)

You are always at your best writing of wimmen. *shaking my head* And if should you live to be 150 years old, you will be beating them off with your cane.



We love you yanno, 'cause you understand us.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
17 posted 2005-05-11 07:49 PM



Ed?...

so beautiful, my friend...

this... and you...

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
18 posted 2005-05-12 03:05 AM


You hung the moon when it was full,
if only from the window~

So nicely~

babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
19 posted 2005-05-13 06:38 PM


wranx~

u rox my sox...

no doubt about it~

love&light,
**Mari**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
20 posted 2005-05-13 06:49 PM


At first glance I thought the title was "Edible Kitten" and I looked to see if it was written by LJ!

Then I got into the meat and the potatoes (the man and the woman) aspects of this extremely moving write.

Sue's poetic reply also choked me up. Both of you are amazing ~ together ~ or each of you in your own write, I mean "right"!

I would also like to echo the Serene One's comments! There is a depth of understanding women in your poetry that is very appealing to women. You see more with your heart than most men see with their eyes.


Linda

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

21 posted 2005-05-13 08:40 PM


OH WOW! Oh GOD!

You M'Bro have collapsed me. Absolutely STELLAR!

I've missed you



mxx

"we all have wings, but some of us don't know why"

Michael Hutchence (INXS)

Aleta
Member
since 2005-04-17
Posts 102
Louisiana
22 posted 2005-05-14 10:22 PM


Beautiful!  And this ending:

“A picture of the three of us standing together
Burned through the snow, the asphalt and down

To the core of the world, where even now
If you were to look closely, you’d see our portrait

Etched into bedrock, rendered in stick figures”

This vision was bold in my mind and powerful in its meaning.  Again… Beautiful….

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
23 posted 2005-05-16 12:02 PM


To the core of the world, where even now
If you were to look closely, you’d see our portrait

Etched into bedrock, rendered in stick figures''''

~


there is not much I could say to do this justice....so I will silently exit, shaking my head in wonder....

I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
24 posted 2005-05-16 01:06 AM


I still have another picture, of you on the stairs, and I'm keeping it.
With wet eyes, I lift a glass of wine in whine, *sighing* a toast...to love, something that's incomprehensible at times.

PouringJewels
Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 158
Maryland
25 posted 2005-05-17 02:07 AM


I am at this moment, toasting you with my dry red wine. I am forever here for you, my most talented brother.
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