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Open Poetry #35
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Foxyoasis
Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

0 posted 2005-04-12 09:38 PM



The past repeat's itself
inside my own suicidal hell
my heart shatters as the glass
of my soul breaks upon the
cement floor

cold and hard distance stale
damp like the eyes of the beholder
my love has gone and shall never
return. for a person like me can
never truly be happy.

pain is what im used to it is
inflicted upon me everday like
some kinda sick science project
jab her more see how much she can take

they smile a smug smirk as they touture me
more with their posion they call love and
"good intentions"

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....


© Copyright 2005 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

1 posted 2005-04-13 04:55 PM


Words are good can't say the same for the message

Words are good

Dave

shatteredsilver
Member
since 2005-03-31
Posts 63
middle of nowhere
2 posted 2005-04-13 04:56 PM


This is really powerful.

Some of the line breaks seem to break up the flow - maybe this is what you want?

Within the sound of silence...

Kristabell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 678
Portland, OR
3 posted 2005-04-13 04:58 PM


Nice examples and images. Lately, I have been feeling the same. We just have to hope, eh? Nice write!

Kristabell

Foxyoasis
Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla
4 posted 2005-04-13 05:31 PM


thank's guys I dunno what type of poem stance i was trying to write ijust wrote what I was feeling

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....


Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980
Ca
5 posted 2005-04-13 07:08 PM


You are writing how you feel, that's good enough. I like this.
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