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Open Poetry #35
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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989


0 posted 2005-04-11 09:58 AM


You shroud yourself
in darkness
refusing to allow
  light to shine.

Holding warmth at bay,
you feel only
the chill of   your pain

clinging to it
wrapping it tightly around
the twist of your soul..

and I cry
  and I try...
            God, I try
to rip the cloth,
cut holes in it
so that light      might
seep through
but you have fashioned
the layering       just so
that now,

even the brightest rays
of hope
can no longer
reach your core,

your heart
you've ascribed
in armour of noir.


I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
let me dig a little deeper
nah, still nothing~
my give a DAMN is busted. Jodee

© Copyright 2005 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2005-04-11 10:47 AM


but you have fashioned
the layering       just so
that now,

even the brightest rays
of hope
can no longer
reach your core,


I wish I had written this, Donna..it's perfect!!

hugs
M

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2005-04-11 10:52 AM


lol...perfect M, well....I don't believe in perfect but I do thank you for that..

but also, very very sad....

hugs.

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
let me dig a little deeper
nah, still nothing~
my give a DAMN is busted. Jodee

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2005-04-11 10:57 AM



Dang, gal...
highly visual!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
4 posted 2005-04-11 11:05 AM


I do know that sad Donna, have lived it on and off for a few years now...


M

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2005-04-11 12:22 PM


"and I cry
  and I try...
            God, I try
to rip the cloth,
cut holes in it
so that light      might
seep through"

This just aches so bad sweet lady.
Pulls at the heart strings.
Sending big hugs your way.

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
6 posted 2005-04-11 01:47 PM


If your Light can't reach him, nobody else's could!

Love & Light,
Linda

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2005-04-11 02:21 PM


you always know how to tug the heart strings
adagio
Member
since 2005-03-19
Posts 449
Marrero, La.
8 posted 2005-04-11 04:17 PM


maybe with a little practice , well a lot of practice, I could learn to be so expressive so passionate , I promise to keep trying !Thanks  adagio


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2005-04-12 01:46 AM


Really nice...James
Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
10 posted 2005-04-12 02:00 AM


i used to know someone that could fit this piece....and though i usually try to stick to commenting on the poem, only.... let me just say that when i was trying to give that person light... i pretty much killed me in the process. the best thing i ever did was to remember i deserve more.


sorry.
this is one of your better written pieces hon.

hugs, snow

"i close my eyes and gather up the puddle of this life, one teaspoon at a time, into a bucket with holes" ~me an excerpt from "she still sees ugly"

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

11 posted 2005-04-12 04:34 AM


I agree with Snow..one of your better poems Donna...but then sometimes darker souled people are deeper...cut through the swaithes of tangled scratching briars and a sunlit glade awaits...it's just it may be a while since the glade was looked upon..enjoyed this..thank you..

Goldenrose.

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

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