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Open Poetry #35
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Moment Of Creation (with a thumbs-up to majnu)
| Open Poetry #35 |
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Moment Of Creation (with a thumbs-up to majnu) |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Moment Of Creation In a dark and random back street of my mind I stand with nothing but this guitar and try to harmonize with my echoes while I watch that one dim window, high up out of the light there.... Like the street, the trees, this lamp post, it is my own, and I am the quiet form at the window, listening, listing against the sill while the serenade and the night reach up toward me, beckoning, and I am the voice behind the window, somewhere in a darkened room, calling me away to another place within, to hear no more.... Turning, just as I must leave myself to sing the night alone I pull a rose out from the table vase, its wet stem cool, the scent.... A thorn cuts my hand as I toss it whole out into the night; the song pauses.... I wonder if I will notice a single thorn, pinked with blood, and whether I will know it is a poem.... Thank you majnu, I wouldn't have tried this style if I hadn't been hit between the eyes by a poem of yours..... |
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| © Copyright 2005 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Excellent write! Really enjoyed this. JL  |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I'm glad majnu inspired you... this form suits you very well... suits this poem perfectly! *S* There are so many lines in this that make me stop and whisper "yes... this is how poetry is done." *S* and I am the quiet form at the window, listening, listing against the sill while the serenade and the night reach up toward me, beckoning, and I am the voice behind the window, somewhere in a darkened room, These lines... they're pure perfection! and whether I will know it is a poem.... No doubt about that, my friend... you'll know... and you'll write the masterpiece. *S* |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
The beginning and the end nearly brought me to tears. How perfect!!! I don't think you intended this as a lullabye, but that is how it felt to me. Beautiful music, Ed~ |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Oh Ed, how very lovely this is! |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
I really like this, it is one of my favorites of yours I think....hmmm...makes me think that must be why my fingers are bleeding and I knew not the reason why...nor did I equate it to my muses silence...hmmm... great poem |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
sure glad you were inspired! But then, again, you are an inspiration to others! It's great to see the life cycle here. sadie |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed Now who has the magic carpet? You do!! A wonderful poem!  |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
it is impossible to pick out a favorite line...this fits snuggly to your style Ed, super fabulous write....enjoyed, keep em comin! |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Wow. I love that last two lines. I felt as if I'd been immersed in this one, and coming out was a shock. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
nicely done. i especially liked: :I pull a rose out from the table vase, its wet stem cool, the scent.... A thorn cuts my hand as I toss it whole out into the night;" something about that image is so original I am stunned. I am very glad and honored to have helped you find a new form in which to express yourself. cheers. -majnu |
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