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For What it's Worth
| Open Poetry #35 |
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For What it's Worth |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought 
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You can trace the shadows offer depth to empty faces. That the wind, each time it races, might blow gently over me. You can catch the moonlight, find it's key, and then unlatch it. So that everyday you'll match it with your perfect love for me. You can be my angel, be the hero in my story. Then you'll shine with certain glory since you offered it to me. (Sort of just trying out something new while my muse is on vacation. Written about the relationship between two friends of mine.) He was a man of sorrows ...I am a girl of tears. |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
For What it's Worth? Its weight in praise! GG, your versatility in style and subject amaze me! miscellanea |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Golden Girl, for what it's worth, I continue to be impressed with your poetic talents!  Hugs with love, Linda |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Dear poet...only one slight catch in this lovely... "You can trace the shadows offer depth to empty faces." For some reason, this "skipped" for me. Perhaps you could rewrite "offer" to "offering" in the second line. Seems more fluid with that slight tweak. A slight tweak... and it kicks. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
your cadence is brilliant, and although you do not rhyme all the time, i certainly would call this lyric. nicely done. -majnu |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Misce, really my writes aren't much good when I try to delve into other arenas with my words. It'd fun to attempt sometimes, but I do it realizing that, really, the quality is lacking! But hey, I won't tell you that you can't still say great things about me... even if I don't believe it. lol Thank you  Linda, You're always so sweet. Thank you much for your generosity, though, just like I said to misce, I know this write really isn't all too great! Still, thanks much  Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Sunshine, yay! Exactly what I like to have - feedback! I wrote this a bit haphazardly, I think, and am really not satisfied with how it turned out. After reading it I'm sort of left with feeling "Okay. Who cares?" because it really doesn't pull out much emotion. I guess if I worked a bit harder on it that would change, but with a lack of muse and a lack of strength working on anything just seems out of the question lol. Back to the point, thanks very much for your input, and I agree completely, that would definitely help it alot. Also it made me realise that I used the word offer twice. Yikes. Shame on me. Hope all is well for you! Thanks for taking the time to help me while I stumble through styles. majnu, Thanks very much! I used to be the kind of person who only liked rhyming poems, now I find it fun to switch back and forth, depending on how my mind is thinking at the time. Glad you stopped by! Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
i love this good job |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Alyssa I don't get to PIP very often but when I do it is always such a pleasure to read your words. I hope life is treating you kindly and I wish for you much love and happiness. Take care........Sue I am in motion |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Glad I didn't miss this little gem! It's a beauty, GG~ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a different style for you Alyssa good work |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"You can trace the shadows offer depth to empty faces" loved those two lines. you do any style well."too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Whew... I always get nervous when making suggestions like that...  |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...James |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Once again I need to apologize for how long it's taken me to respond! I do appreciate each response so much... Foxyoasis, thanks for the good job, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Sue, I miss being around to read yours as well! Always love when I see you around here Hope life is treating you kindly, as well...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Blues, Thank ya. It was fun to try!Dix, yeah, not sure it's a skin I'll keep up with - just doesn't feel like me. But at least I wrote something... been dead with words lately!  loveya.Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Susan, glad you think so! I didn't think I fit this one very well but I still won't say I mind getting unwarranted praises lol  Take care...Sunshine, well now you know that I don't bite, so you can help me out more often! When I say I want help, I mean it! And then I get to say I had a real live published author give me tips on my poetry ...hope things are still coming along smoothly.James, thanks, sir. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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