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Open Poetry #35
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Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665


0 posted 2005-03-16 05:18 AM


In death, only death
will i utterly be at rest.
Though breezes doth blow soft like breath,
The lord doth welcome, i am blessed.

Weeds grow by my grave with dew,
birds doth sing in trees,
flowers of vibrant hue,
place above me please.

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

© Copyright 2005 P.D - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2005-03-16 05:56 AM


Seems you concentrated on only the rhyme
Forgetting the rest of your writing skills.
When writing something this short,
And on such a topic,
My belief is that the meter is equally important.
I would give examples,
But I know you don’t wish them,
So I’ll just say you didn’t rise to the promise
Of the topic.

Gloom

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

2 posted 2005-03-16 06:11 AM


Look gloom i have told you in the past that i write how I WANT to write...you for some reason just want to annoy me...fine...you can do that...but what i write and how i write it is my for me and me alone..you are not qualified to lecture to me...your beliefs are YOUR beliefs not mine, if you know that i wouldnt accept your examples why would you even post here in the first place unless you are trying to get under my skin?
Maybe the moderators should be watching for such conflict as this?

Goldenrose.


Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

[This message has been edited by Goldenrose (03-16-2005 06:46 AM).]

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
3 posted 2005-03-16 08:25 AM


Goldenrose encourages Constructive Critiques: "You may critique my work, please feel free to point out any mistakes etc. personals should be sent to......"

I'm confused?


"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2005-03-16 06:31 PM


I liked this...good rhyme scheme, short and to the point
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
5 posted 2005-03-16 07:20 PM


~Dark, Depressing! could use some sunshine!


"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to

[This message has been edited by A Romantic Heart (03-16-2005 11:11 PM).]

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

6 posted 2005-03-17 04:37 AM


Susan C...there is a world of difference in critique and just plain old baiting....i dont want his comments on how i should write poetry once it is finnished for me it is finnished and if he does not like that then that is his choice...we have had this argument here before and i nearly got thrown off then so i am not about to rise to this ''deliberate'' critique....how is that nearly everybody else can comment on my work...but this man emails me and says ''if you write about death i will post a reply, mabe you dont like critique? Do you think this man has an agenda? Do you think i am going to sit here and take this unwarrented flak?...Anyone who has seen me post here before will know different...and i dont care if he has the best qualifications on literature and poetry writing in the world written in diamonds on solid gold..he STILL isnt qualified to critique me....would Lennon and Mcartney change a song because somebody didnt like a section...or if someone thought they had not written a section of music properly?...Hell know...and neither will i...so my critique should read...''critique me if you wish..offer advice if you wish...but i will NOT alter THIS poem...

Goldenrose.

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

7 posted 2005-03-17 04:38 AM


ARH thank you...you know how i like dark and depressing...so you make me smile...

Goldenrose.

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

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