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Open Poetry #35
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Somewhere past Abiquiu
| Open Poetry #35 |
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Somewhere past Abiquiu |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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This empty world, less one precious heart beat unbearably splits wide the space between; a Grand Canyon now lies between the driver’s seat and mine. Continued interior crowding spreads outward, the roadway narrows in proportion to the tense of my shoulders. Usually smooth curves now oddly angle roughing the ride on the outside as well. As the sun concedes its dominion to darkness the lake approaches, and fortunately, flies by too quickly to realize the time for jumping. Anticipation of oncoming traffic allows passage past the curve like a question mark where going back and going forward are fifty-fifty. The flat lands loom gloomily testing the will to traverse this road time after time but steadily the miles ease underneath and somewhere past Abiquiu I reach for your hand; together we wait for the horizon to kiss the sky. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I reach for your hand; together we wait for the horizon to kiss the sky. This closing brings such a peaceful and serene feeling JB....very well done. Enjoyed much. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
There are some classic and very descriptive lines in here. 'The roadway narrows in response to tense shoulders' is one. I love the sense of moving away physically and yet moving closer emotionally. I will have to read this again and think on it some more. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I never much liked waiting, but when put into words like this, and when there's someone to hold your hand then I guess it isn't quite so bad.  Love the poem! Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Silky...James |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
chosen motion frozen in a moment never hitting bottom Excellent! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This was a good journey... makes me anticipate the next one. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Anticipation of oncoming traffic allows passage past the curve like a question mark where going back and going forward are fifty-fifty. so very true...tremendous imagry |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Oh this is so good! I've read a fair number of your poems by now, and the way you create the atmosphere in this one, the mood from line one right on down....it's right at the top of 'em, for me. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Outstanding metaphors, I loved that fifty-fifty line. A soft and gentle heart tug write. My thoughts traveled the road with you, as you touched both hand and heart. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Time hasn't been kind to me... or I would have already responded in email. *S* This is superb, sweet lady... I especially love the ending! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Sounds like glaciers melting in the Southwest... riding off into the sunset... |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
Gentle Spirit, thank you lady Kethry, ah your opinion is valued and anticipated, tis good to make you reread, and to think GG thank you, when the drive is an hour each way, you have plenty of time to deal with ‘things’ James Michael, ‘silky’ my writing has never taken on that adjective, thank you icebox, thank you sunshine, thank you, I hope my muse is along for the ride as well LeeJ, thank you, I always thought my poetry to be lacking the imagery I see in other writers Rat, thank you, atmosphere, in this one is everything, so thank you for taking notice Midnitesun, thank you…..waves at midnitesun, I thought I saw you along the way suthern, do not feel alone, the clock has been stealing my minutes as well….and the ending…..well when it comes to sunsets, horizons and happy endings, we are poets, and we can always dream- que no? LR no glaciers (cept the snow storm we got hit with), and no melting (cept getting over the snow storm we just got hit with), but yes riding into the sunset…one more strike and you’d have been out good to see you out and about |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jb I really think Kethry hit it on the spot when she said, "I love the sense of moving away physically and yet moving closer emotionally." That same thing really touched me and kept me glued to the poem.  |
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