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Open Poetry #35
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Ashes Sketched
| Open Poetry #35 |
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Ashes Sketched |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
He drew pictures in the dust with grayish white the weathered stick Of billowed clouds tornado scribbles extending sunshine rays As a boy of earth he drew wisdom above his childhood age As he grew so did his tool within his hand a pencil held Words soon sketched the billowed clouds When a dove came out to play; With wind was wisped away With wind was wisped away Far from reach of setting sun the young man sat near a fire ring With matches in his hand his chilling bones on ash and sand Until igniting the pine within the ring of ashen stone Under the stars his sleeping spent as coals ate lengths of wood His body bent in fetal stay among the ash and soot Until he awoke to coffee scent the breeze had sent his way Sending dove to sing her day When the breeze was scent his way When the breeze was sent his way With a bright good morning she offered tin Cupped with coffee brew On log she sat by the fire ring Wiping morning dew; In her hand was a stick stirring to find dry ash As she spoke she drew in dust amiable ocean waves Soon was sketched the lightening flash and anguished dots of hail past tornado days Then in silence her lips shy curled a backward gaze She erased the lightening and its flash Replaced with billowing cloud Gave him the stick for ash-arts sake Wondering what he would draw. Rays upon a day? Raise sun upon a day Rays upon a day Wondering what he would draw [This message has been edited by Sadelite (03-06-2005 07:28 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2005 Sadelite - All Rights Reserved | |||
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Astounding.....this poem is incredibly good....I came here this evening expecting to read several....I'm going to leave having read one. Maybe I'll drop by later, but for now....I don't want to read anything else after this poem. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Ratleader, You are far too kind. I have a feeling you have sketched the earth, too! Thank you for your generous response. sadie |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
sadelite It is a wonderful poem, with the art of words drawn in the sand of the reader...very much enjoyed! Thank you. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Martie, You are quite welcome. It is I who should thank you for your flattering response! ~sadie~ |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
Yes, it was riveting |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
beautifully done, this particular line really stood out for me.... "Then in silence her lips shy curled a backward gaze"  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sadie...I have MISSED you... Welcome home! |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Such excellence in the clarity of this wonderful write. TD Oh thank you Sadie! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you have been missed good to read you |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Copperbell, Riveting? A very nice compliment. Thank you! ~sadie Sea, Glad you liked the description. I played with a lot ideas before I reached those words. Thanks for your response. ~sadie Sunshine, It is great to be home, if only for a limited stay. Thank you for the warm welcome! ~sadie passing shadows, When unable to be here, I miss the people and place,too! Thanks, Dixie... ~sadie This Diamond, Thank you for you comment. Sometimes I wonder if it's too clear. Oh, I guess to thine own self be true. Brevity or mystery are just not in my mastery! I'm glad you liked the clarity! ~sadie |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
There are times when chillbumps start skittering along my arms as I read... so that I'm shivering by the finish... It's a failsafe poetic barometer of excellence... This one... is one. *S* Absolutely superb!!! |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
suthern, No kinder words could be received. Thank you so much! sadie |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
thank you, James; Twas nice of you to drop by. sadie |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
beautifully written, would like to hear this read aloud. this resonates.... lovely lovely... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You just blew me away with this outstanding piece of poetic prose. Your talent was in fine full force, to be sure!  I enjoy reading the fruits of your versatility as a writer!  EA |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
agreeing here with Ratleader, this was amazing, and what else could please...a tremendous use of words to create visuals...this was definately worth the read...to savor.... Hugs to you |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
This was an absolutely wonderful write, I enjoyed this very much. Well done. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
She erased the lightening and its flash Replaced with billowing cloud Gave him the stick for ash-arts sake Wondering what he would draw. Rays upon a day? Raise sun upon a day Rays upon a day Wondering what he would draw love reading you and trying to decipher your mindwords... M |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
good read |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
muted, I'm so glad you liked the resonance! I always write my poetry aloud in hopes to hear the flow. Sometimes, I hear it; sometimes I don't! Still learning! Thanks for your reflection. sadie Earth Angel, Blew you away? I don't think so, Angel Lady--you float naturally amoung the breeze! Glad you enjoyed this. My lines were a little longer than usual, causing me to wonder how they'd be received. Also, thanks for the comment about versatility in writing. I can't see myself ever settling down to one style. It's too much fun to play and experiment with words and rhythms, even though some of mine is pretty silly! sadie LeeJ., It gives me pleasure that you enjoyed the words and visuals. Coming from a lady who masters the art of visualization, I am flattered. I enjoyed your visit. sadie Gentle Spirit, It was so kind of you to drop by. I'm glad my poetic efforts were appreciated. Thank you so much... sadie nakdthoughts, I'm glad you enjoyed my poetic endeavors. In regards to deciphering my mindworks, good luck! Ideas just spiral around me (usually frustrating me) until finally, I can reach out fast enough to spear one! The ideas never stop spinning long enough for me to collect enough pieces. Consequently, the spiral effect causes me to ask questions. That's why I like writing. I can glue down the ideas I speared, while I gather new ones. sadie Vandana, It is always nice to see your name on the blue screen. I appreciate your taking time to read and comment on my work. Hope you have a good weekend. Thanks, sadie |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
I missed this one Sadie - it is so powerful - I am stunned....Paul |
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