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Open Poetry #34

Oceans silver Dream.

Goldenrose
Member Elite

since 2003-05-30

Posts 3665

0 posted 2005-02-04 05:35 AM

Pearls in cobalt oceans,
wait for discovery.
Precious life jewels being irritated,
find them, bring them from depths.

Emotions stirred like dark waves,
storms bring blackness.
Part the clouds to gain my reverence,
beam passions illumination to fathoms.

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. (William Shakespeare.)

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

1 posted 2005-02-04 10:15 AM

i like this.
i think it would be perfect (as far as my idea of what perfect is) without a couple of filler words and, remember, you asked...but i really think it reads much tighter without the last line.

but i do like it as is, phil.

S~

~~~~~~~
"so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache" ~neruda

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

2 posted 2005-02-04 06:29 PM

a little different for you Phil..and yes I agree with Snow..the last line isn't necessary although it reads nicely either way..

M

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

3 posted 2005-02-04 06:33 PM

Like the feel of this -

Susan

If I wander far enough, long enough, will I finally know . . .

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