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Open Poetry #34
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DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917


0 posted 2005-01-17 08:41 PM



You’ll not alone
In life
Though you feel
No shadow would deign to spring a surprise on you
You always knew
In those glances
That you lived

All the time


© Copyright 2005 Dave Page - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2005-01-17 10:08 PM


short and neat
MGROVES
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802
california
2 posted 2005-01-18 03:36 AM


short and sweet and to the point  a pleasure as always  


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2005-01-18 07:17 PM


You’ll not             alone
In life
Though you feel
No shadow would deign to spring a surprise on you
You always knew
In those glances
That you lived

All the time

~*~

Not a word changed
but               spacing
allows the reader
to figure out what not alone
thing
they might do...

in a glance.



Good job, Dave.

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2005-01-18 07:22 PM


Much enjoyed, Dave.  Much said in those glances.
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

5 posted 2005-01-19 03:36 PM


Thanks everyone.

I tend to use a next line for effect rather than spacing.

I am still old fashion to the point that I prefer to use the words to try and print the meaning on the inside of someone's eyelids rather than lead them to how I feel they should appreciate an image.

In photography I would consider foreground, background, middle ground and draw the eye to what I feel should be the image.

In words I try to avoid that.

regards

Dave

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