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Open Poetry #34
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2005-01-10 08:20 PM



I suspect,
if I died first,...
you'd buy the plot
next to me in the ground.

And then, enclosed,
reveal to all
your secret
held so long.

There, beside,
to bare of seed
a shrine whose slender limbs

with leaves
would shade our common bed;

women...
are very strange.



© Copyright 2005 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

1 posted 2005-01-11 06:23 PM


I dont think this comes across as you intended but I dont think that "as I understand it" knowledge of Asian life is a matter day course of life, is what also doesn't come across.

Dave

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
2 posted 2005-01-11 07:45 PM


Yes we are strange.  I spaz out and I am never able to say how I feal until its too late. Its a stage..... I hope.

Juju

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2005-01-12 05:28 AM


cool write!
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
4 posted 2005-01-12 09:41 AM


"And then, enclosed,
reveal to all
your secret
held so long"


nah...I am just waiting for some of the main characters to die, then I will tell my secrets...

Well done John!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2005-01-12 09:49 AM



You layered these laurels well, John...

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2005-01-12 11:11 AM


fine write john

susan? you slay me..smooch

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
7 posted 2005-01-12 06:14 PM


"women...
are very strange."

You are very brave my friend, and yet, I do agree...

.
JL



*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
8 posted 2005-01-12 06:53 PM


I like this...very mysterious in a way.

~Alli~

Happy 2005!

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