Conversations Pressed In The Sealing Wax Of New Year's Eve Memories (with apologies to a dear friend)

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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2004-12-31 06:27 AM

She said,
“I've been wondering about your dreams
and what you want in the future.”

I don’t dream about a future,
I don’t wish upon a star
as if to keep the motor running
in a car I’ll never drive,
though at times
I’ll admit to myself
there may be a lost antique
parked deep in the shadows,
slowly moldering,
beyond hope of any spiritual redemption.

So,
with patience I have never known,
struggling with what may be
for her
a maddening ambiguity,
she continued generously,
“you talk so much of the past,
so I'm wondering how you see yourself becoming;
maybe because I am wondering too,
and I suppose there is no way of knowing
like there is of knowing what has already been....”

Well,
I wish I could help;
I was once accused,
by empty polished shoes
filled with impeccably published Maslovian reputations,
of lying on tests
designed to be impossible to be faked,
appearing fully to have become,
instead of treading water
in their pre-defined reality
of always struggling hopelessly to achieve.

OK once,
I was young and full of gold ideas
without the drift of time,
the icy consequence,
the chilling fears of crimes
no nighttime nightmare pains
will hide,
the bitter empty taste
of missing critical connections,
losing motivations,
using empty spaces in between
the atoms of awareness
the molecules of belief,
like naked planes
promised as redemption,
caught between reality
and political expediency,
left destroyed
filled with empty hopes
gathered from the unprepared.

“Yes but...
I can hear you in the dark saying...
’I am too old for dreams’
just like you say, ‘I no longer have cravings,’
but still
some dream in the dark must come to you."

Oh sure,
images as feelings,
scattered razor slivers of the past,
wrapped and tied with wilting strains
of “White Christmas”
flood my soul any time I try to sleep;
yet life was easier back then,
without worrying
about what would keep
astral accountants picking over tracks
of my Akashic ledgers;
my actions were investments,
high risk annuities bought on spec
with blood and grief,
without a care for profit and loss
without a thought of living for returns,
with time the only unknown thief;
I was comfortably aware
of the belief,
no one meant to let me live this long.

©2004 by icebox

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-12-31 06:33 AM

I really could go on and on here
confessing certain things you made me think of after I read this

but no

I have to move today
but maybe one day, I'll write these jumbled thoughts for you

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

2 posted 2004-12-31 06:40 AM

Thank you!

Good luck on your move. Change can be swimming in the warm waters of a gentle tide, or it can be jumping from one ice flow to the next keeping one step ahead of the hungry polar bear. For you, I sincerely hope it is the former.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2004-12-31 08:17 AM

’I am too old for dreams’

So many lines grabbed... this one wouldn't let go... and I know why my list of new year's resolutions is so short. *S*

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

4 posted 2004-12-31 08:23 AM

"I was comfortably aware
of the belief,
no one meant to let me live this long"

and yet you remain...so surely you understand there is a reason?

love ya Icy.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

5 posted 2004-12-31 09:54 AM

She never did ask me those kinds of questions. This makes me wonder why. She -- any of the she's -- seldom speaks to me of a future at all except in past tense, and certainly not mine.

It's mainly of the present or nearly-present, and sometimes the past....and the dreams of last night, or of nights she'd rather forget, or seemingly, of dreams she'd rather I would forget. Maybe I just don't bring it out of 'em the way you do. There's a poem in that too, but I'm not up to writing it.

~~J

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

6 posted 2004-12-31 04:56 PM

Love it.

I hope the sort out which way the shackles are meant to be fastened, next time, and of course, which way up.

Have a Good One.

Dave

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

7 posted 2004-12-31 05:59 PM

Icebox - so many things I would say, would wish. You've made me consider and think and feel - well done -

and I wish for you this New Year a wide-eyed wonderful dream of complete serenity and the simple pleasure of peace -

Hugs -

susan

Every action generates a force that returns to us in like kind . . . let us choose compassion and love

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

8 posted 2004-12-31 06:39 PM

"my actions were investments,
high risk annuities bought on spec
with blood and grief,
without a care for profit and loss
without a thought of living for returns,
with time the only unknown thief;
I was comfortably aware
of the belief,
no one meant to let me live this long."

This makes me think of a 9-year-old on one day many years ago along with her classmates being told to "duck and cover" and how that single event changed so much of the way we lived and the way we dreamed. I have no idea why your poem provoked these memories.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

9 posted 2004-12-31 06:51 PM

icebox

Much thought went into this poem.....thank you!

"I was comfortably aware
of the belief,
no one meant to let me live this long."

I am very glad that you were wrong about this!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2005-01-02 08:48 PM

quote:
though at times
I’ll admit to myself
there may be a lost antique
parked deep in the shadows

gotta love those antiques in the shadows

even Joe Leaphorn would agree

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2005-01-02 09:02 PM

This stirred up a lot of memories m'friend.
Excellent write..much enjoyed.
Happy New Year.

In the midst of winter,
I found there lives within me..
An invincible summer.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

12 posted 2005-01-19 10:37 PM

This particular time seems particularly good to push forward this particular poem....I didn't respond then, but I do now...to say I wish I'd written this...wish I could have.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

13 posted 2005-01-20 09:46 AM

enjoyed this delicious treat of wax on wry

K

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