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Open Poetry #34
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suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana

0 posted 2004-12-06 04:13 PM


a shadow without substance
glides across a clouded mirror
somewhere within
that scumbled outline
is all that remains
when tears drain
reason for existence

indentation on a pillow
indicates a head was there
but how does hollow
have such weight?
feathers must have settled
as the air that whispers past me
would if I could stop breathing

but though I watch the fading
with detached fascination
this shroud does not fit
comfortably.
eternity’s apparel leaves me
still naked of confidence
I ever was at all.

© Copyright 2004 suthern - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2004-12-06 04:18 PM


but how does hollow
have such weight?

~*~

dang it suthern...
send me your muse!!!

Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
2 posted 2004-12-06 04:33 PM


Oh wow, Laura....just wow....

Only you could write this, but I wish I had.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2004-12-06 04:44 PM


"indentation on a pillow
indicates a head was there
but how does hollow
have such weight?
feathers must have settled
as the air that whispers past me
would if I could stop breathing"

WOW!!....just wow.
Excellent write ..
Hugs~Nancy

~ Let peace begin with me... ~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2004-12-06 05:01 PM


suthern
Excellent write you couldn't write it better.

Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

5 posted 2004-12-06 05:03 PM


ma'am....

  I felt this...


EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
6 posted 2004-12-06 05:04 PM


deep and honest.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2004-12-06 05:19 PM


indentation on a pillow
indicates a head was there
but how does hollow
have such weight?
feathers must have settled
as the air that whispers past me
would if I could stop breathing

but though I watch the fading
with detached fascination
this shroud does not fit
comfortably.
eternity’s apparel leaves me
still naked of confidence
I ever was at all.

============================

Oh trust me you were..
cuz "not at all" couldnt write LIKE THIS.

Take a bow for this one Ruthie-girl...youve been coming into your own with free verse for awhile now..but with this, you've made it your own and your muse can stand and deliver a knock out punch rhyme or not.


but how does hollow
have such weight?



Poignant, piercing, writing dear poetess.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
8 posted 2004-12-06 05:34 PM


I too have had this question
"indentation on a pillow
indicates a head was there
but how does hollow
have such weight?"

Damned fine!

wx (lol)


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
9 posted 2004-12-06 06:50 PM


but how does hollow
have such weight?
feathers must have settled
as the air that whispers past me
would if I could stop breathing


Beautifully inspired write!

Love, Margherita

pandonov
Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence
10 posted 2004-12-06 07:04 PM


great poem indeed
Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

11 posted 2004-12-06 10:39 PM


disappearing...
  Great write!  Especially liked the part about the indentation on the pillow...

   dautz

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
12 posted 2004-12-06 10:58 PM


suthern

very touching to the heart.....lovely writing!  

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

13 posted 2004-12-07 02:50 PM


oh lady, can I disappear with you?
this is incredible.......*long deep sigh*
oh if only to have words to say how this reads on the page as it writes on the insides

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

14 posted 2004-12-07 04:27 PM


Oh wow....!!!!

Eric

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
15 posted 2004-12-07 04:31 PM


Wonderful Ruth -  keepin' this one!!
hugs, Chris

"At one glance
I love you
With a thousand hearts."


— Mihri Hatun, Turkish poet

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2004-12-07 05:34 PM


Oh, you "was" my Dear! ~ and still are! ~ and will continue to be SPECIAL!!!

Your words were like feathers ~ but they carried such weight.

Loving hugs in appreciation of your beautiful self ~ and your poetic talent,

Linda

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
17 posted 2004-12-08 10:50 AM


Sunshine: You're welcome to her gloomy self! *G* Thank you! *S*

Ratleader: You make me feel like a poet, my friend... I thank you so much! *S*

Enchantress: Thank you very much!

Seymour: You're so kind, my friend... I thank you! *S*

Cpat: Is an apology in order? *S* Thank you, my friend. *S*

ES: Thank you very much!

JM: But without my rhyme to hide behind, the knock out punch seems to head my way! *G* Thank you very much!

wranx (wx): Thank you so very much... for both the compliment and the smile. *S*

Margherita: Thank you so much! *S*

pandonov: Thank you very much! *S*

Dautz: I'm glad you liked... thank you! *S*

Martie: Thank you so much! *S*

jellybeans: You don't think I'd leave you behind, do you? *S* Thank you so very much, my friend. *S*

Ericc: Thank you! *S*

Nightshade: You honor me, kind lady... thank you! *S*

EA: What would I ever do without you? *S* Thank you so very much!


*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
18 posted 2004-12-08 09:43 PM


Wow! Great write!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
19 posted 2004-12-08 09:51 PM


Sheesh how did I miss this now, must be getting slow too as well as blind.  You know this new area your muse is taking you is sure suiting my taste and hopefully yours, so there will be more of this to sample?  Lovely writing.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
20 posted 2004-12-11 12:50 PM


so beautiful
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
21 posted 2004-12-14 01:37 PM


Alli: Thank you very much! *S*

Mysteria: I never know, my friend. *S* I'm just the stenographer! LOL Thank you! *S*

PS: Thank you! *S*

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