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Open Poetry #34
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Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095


0 posted 2004-12-03 01:39 AM


the sun hovers like a fat yellow blimp
full of bursting and days in space

it rings like a bell
dripping gold onto my shoulders
heavy as a drenched rag

i dream of serenity
how her silent warriors enter me
like a stream, slow and spirituous
bound for shadowy seas

noisy enemies knock at her knees

i scrape the edge of sand
clutching sea-shells in my hands
the sea-wind screams her name
i am hushed full of waves
and the blue fish
that are her eyes


into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread.
~Sarah McLachlan~

© Copyright 2004 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
1 posted 2004-12-03 02:00 AM


Clean and good and memorable...as yours 'most always are......I'm glad I stopped here.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2004-12-03 05:59 AM


the sea-wind screams her name
i am hushed full of waves

~*~

Maree, I felt as if I had been viewing some artist's canvas full of color and heat...and cool...Van Gogh comes to mind for his extreme color...

I don't know...this one needs to be marked as one of your best...you got so much across with so few words...

I would borrow your brevity...

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?  Keeping in mind, I must stand close...and keep my promises...

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2004-12-03 06:00 AM


the sun hovers like a fat yellow blimp
full of bursting and days in space

it rings like a bell
dripping gold onto my shoulders
heavy as a drenched rag

i dream of serenity


Love the feelng of your words, Maree

hugs
M

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-12-03 06:49 AM


you do please the soul
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
5 posted 2004-12-03 06:59 AM


i am hushed full of waves
and the blue fish
that are her eyes

so much to sea
you have mastered her in this offering to her majesty

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

6 posted 2004-12-03 07:03 AM


i scrape the edge of sand
clutching sea-shells in my hands
the sea-wind screams her name
i am hushed full of waves
and the blue fish
that are her eyes


Excellent visuals...very much enjoyed!

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2004-12-03 11:32 AM


Maree, sweet friend...you are so full of word treasure and poetic heart.  Loved this!


Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

8 posted 2004-12-03 11:35 AM


a beautiful offering Maree, and as Kari said done so well with brevity.  Hugs.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2004-12-03 12:56 PM


blue fish swim in tears, my sweet maree



You are too kind to me lovie

(but? thank you :blush)


Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

10 posted 2004-12-03 07:01 PM


I think it would not be me to take your hand, but the wind maree...

as usual ma'am... I leave humbled at reading you..


wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
11 posted 2004-12-05 11:38 PM


And sometimes, a word is worth a thousand pictures.

Back to the top with you!


This, is the good stuff!

Kevo
Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA
12 posted 2004-12-06 12:21 PM


You know I couldn't let this one get by.  Your words are so vivid, raw, refreshing.  Words typically fail me when reading your writes.  They are intense, surreal, and flowing.  I often read and wish I was able to incorporate your types of inspiration into meaninful poetry.  You have a great gift that you gift to all of us.  Thank you for you and your words.  

Kevin

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
13 posted 2004-12-07 07:30 PM


dripping gold onto my shoulders

what an awesome line . . .

You, m'dear are all of the elements.

combined.

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