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Open Poetry #34
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nature's fury
| Open Poetry #34 |
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nature's fury |
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mpt Junior Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 32australia |
its been a while since ive been inspired enough to write much, but this was inspired basically by learning new imagery techniques and gave it a little whirl, let me know what you think, especially technically, thanks. like a screaming tree falling in pain my love goes against the grain and when im stuck in the trees above ill jump off trying to follow that dove like hail beating against the ground with the aural force of breaking sound ill weather the blows that i must suffer and as long as the bells ring ill see another like worms gasping for breath at morning light ill breach the ground and face the might the smell of hope will revitalise as i feel the touch of those beautiful eyes Though dreams can be deceiving |
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| © Copyright 2004 matt howe (mpt) - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kevo Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466Navarro County, Texas, USA |
Love is a powerful thing. You convey your message clearly and creatively. Your metaphorical approach was brilliant and captivating. Your structure was sound and imagery ...picture perfect. It was a truly poignant write. Well done. Your poetic friend, Kevin |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
mpt I am a fan of imagery and metaphor, thia poem is done well in both areas...the form is done well, it is easy to read and flows as it should, although someone who does not read much poetry may stumble a little with the lines amd syllable count, but that is their problem.. enjoyed __________ice/ford ><> |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
love is the one thing and only thing which sustains and lives...it is quit essential and really all that matters... which you have so aptly described here.... Lovely write |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
You are I think trying for too much rhyme and constricting your ability and imagination. I've tried to suggest some ideas below. I am probably wrong but the desire to help is there. Dave Like a tree in love screaming in pain as doves escape pursued in shame like hail beating against the ground with the aural force of breaking sound ill weathers the blows that i must suffer and as long as the bells ring "see another" as worms gasping for breath at morning light breaching ground facing the might and smell of hope revitalised as i feel the touch of those beautiful eyes |
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mpt Junior Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 32australia |
thanks everyone for your nice comments and thanks dave for your criticism. what youve altered is good, i like it and yeh, like i said i was doing it as an experiment in style more so than anything else, so i suppose you can tell from the forced nature of some of it. ill take your advice on board and have another crack at it. thanks  |
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