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Open Poetry #34
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Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96


0 posted 2004-11-16 03:10 PM





His prefect life with all needs met
(Minus one, but positive nine)
Fills him to the moment
Of half past five
With no one home,
A working wife.

In doubt, he awaits a change of pace
…  .-..  ---  .--   (slooowwww the pace…)
Where her feet would stop dead
And  her vision would wake
Unto  tender eyes, their skies stolen slate;
(If only she saw him, he could exult her...)
      
But no one home,
Not his working wife

Half past six turns half past seven
Laundry done, socks are mended;
Again, Spaghetti alone.
Should he isolate a strand in play,
   With its slimy line, create woman?
Should hungry man deny?


[This message has been edited by Dautz Write (11-18-2004 07:57 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Dautz Write - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2004-11-16 03:43 PM


(chuckling)

the pathos and humor are appreciated here...
interesting write..and perspective

Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

2 posted 2004-11-16 03:49 PM


There's nothing on God's green earth but perspective!  Gotta play with it.

Your response is most welcome.

         Dautz Write...  

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
3 posted 2004-11-16 04:26 PM


I find this sad - yet so well displayed by your words - lonliness is a cold dinner left in wait -

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

4 posted 2004-11-16 09:22 PM


Susan,
   Perhaps rather sad, but dinner's how you make it.
         Dautz...

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2004-11-16 09:55 PM


Hi Dautz...I didn't get a chance to welcome you to Passions.  Welcome!  I like cold spaghetti.
Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

6 posted 2004-11-16 10:42 PM


Thanks for the welcome, Martie.  I appreciate.

          Dautz...

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
7 posted 2004-11-16 11:08 PM


LOL, I enjoyed this playful plate of spaghetti. I used to play with the meatballs, until I became a vegetarian.

But as I said before, enjoy the interactions within these poetic walls, I'm sure you will have a good audience, with your fine sense of humor.

Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

8 posted 2004-11-16 11:20 PM


Midnitesun,
  Thanks again for your welcoming response. Meatballs?   That brings me back to a song we sang as kids. On top of Spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball
and I don't remember the rest--please--- Fill in the blanks and tell me the words...  I lost my poor meatballs, all covered with cheese!
          Dautz

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2004-11-16 11:24 PM


Enjoyed...James
froggy
Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893
Michigan
10 posted 2004-11-17 02:06 AM


On top of old smokey all covered in cheese
I lost my poor meatball cause somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table on to floor

Its all I can remember of the song.

Loved the poem and welcome to Passions.

:-)

Within this heart you'll find love

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

11 posted 2004-11-17 09:49 AM


enjoyed this write, WELCOME to PIP
Your going to meet some very interesting and creative artists in here...your in for a treat!

Thanks a bunch for reading my poem and commenting

looking forward to reading more of you

thank you for sharing.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
12 posted 2004-11-17 10:01 AM


On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
When somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table,
And onto the floor,
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled out of the door.

It rolled in the garden,
And under a bush,
And then my poor meatball,
Was nothing but mush.

The mush it was tasty,
As tasty could be,
And then the next summer,
It grew to a tree.

The tree was all covered,
All covered with moss,
And on it grew meatballs,
And tomato sauce.

So if you eat meatballs,
All covered with cheese,
Hold onto your meatballs,
Lest somebody sneese.

~*~


Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

13 posted 2004-11-17 09:10 PM


James Michael, Lee J.- Thanks for your welcoming responses.   .:.Dautz.:.


froggy and Sunshine - Thanks for helping out with the lyrics.  Can you guess what song is going to be running through my head throughout the night?  [This message has been edited by Dautz Write (11-18-2004 07:58 AM).]

froggy
Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893
Michigan
14 posted 2004-11-19 01:48 AM


The song running your mind I'd guess
would be On Top Of Spaghetti. :-)

Rereading this still makes me giggle.

:-)

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
15 posted 2004-12-06 11:47 PM


ROTFLMAO
I just had to come back to this, and say, it would qualify as an entry in my Spaghetti challenge. (see the poetry challenge forum)
How funny, and Sunshine? those were almost the same exact lyrics I remember singing!
My mom hated that song. LOL

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
16 posted 2004-12-07 06:49 AM


sad
              

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

17 posted 2004-12-07 02:59 PM


this is so well done, the life it depicts speaks so clearly of 'alone' but not meant to be
and even though the poem is intrinsically sad, I have to chuckle@cpat's chuckle...

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
18 posted 2004-12-08 09:27 AM


Welcome to Pips!

I enjoyed this ... attracted always by Spaghetti!!

Well, nine out of ten is a good average! But the tenth in your case is so important!

Realism shared in a powerful way.

Love, Margherita

ps the meatball song is so funny!

Dautz Write
Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96

19 posted 2004-12-09 09:53 PM


froggy, midnitesun, miscellania, jellybeans,
and Margherita,  
    Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I appreciate it.
               dautz...

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